#im sorry for taking so long to do this work has been consuming my life

[norrisainz33]

Glimpse || OP81

☆ summary: oscar’s long time girlfriend is rather private and always has been despite her family’s fame. slowly but surely fans start to discover more about her!

☆ pairing: oscar piastri x laeno!sibling!private!reader

☆ fc & warnings: various girls from pinterest & slightly suggestive, you are responsible for the content you consume

☆ requested: yes! sorry it took my literally forever. thank you for taking the time to request 🫶🏻

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

ynlaeno has made a post ��

liked by nicolelaeno, oscarpiastri, landonorris, mclarenf1, yourbff, lilymhe, and 345 others

ynlaeno: festivals with my favorite sister means we get to serve fits again ✨

view all 23 comments

lilymhe: you are so hot

ynlaeno: no baby girl that’s you

alexandrasaintmleux: the world really is your runway

ynlaeno: you are one to talk 🤤

yourbff: bestie when are you going to be a model and grace the world with your beauty

ynlaeno: sooner than you think!

oscarpiastri: 🤤🤤🤤 god you look good baby

ynlaeno: thank you handsome 😘

landonorris: gross get a room

oscarpiastri: we have and you were mad about that too

landonorris: yeah bc your drivers room is connected to mine!!

ynlaeno: boys please 🫠

nicoleaeno: i love you sissy 🤍

ynlaeno: i love you more

mclarenf1: the most iconic sister duo ever

f1gossip has made a post

liked by user2, user1, user3, user4, user5, user6, user7, user8, user9, and 10,238 others

f1gossip: everyone’s favorite wag, y/n, has been featured in her sister nicole’s most recent dance video!! this is the first time she’s been seen in a youtube video so this is big news and seems she’s as talented of a dancer as nicole!! maybe this is a sign that y/n’s finally going to share more

view all 174 comments

user1: omg she can dance????? ugh i’m in love

user2: wondering if there’s anything y/n can’t do

user3: i wish we got to see her more often

user7: ugh me too y/n seems so cool

user4: i’m so jealous of their talent

user5: oscar is a lucky man , what i wouldn’t give for one chance

user8: no fr oscar is so lucky i mean look at her

user10: i’m begging one of you guys to get accepted as a follower on her insta so we can see what’s there

user13: working on it 😭

user9: y/n will forever be my favorite

oscarpiastri has made a post

liked by ynlaeno, mclarenf1, landonorris, logansargeant, yourbff, nicolelaeno, lewishamilton, goergerussell63 and 345,194 others

oscarpiastri: a week off means i get to follow the love of my life around and support her as she crushes the NY fashion week runway. i’m so proud of you y/n 🧡

view all 722 comments

user1: FASHION WEEK?!

user2: she walked at fashion week?!?!?!? oh my GOD

user3: oscar im going to take your girlfriend

lewishamilton: congrats y/n! absolutely loved the collection

ynlaeno: thank you lew 😭

user5: y/n in her model era! lewis has competition fr

ynlaeno: osco 😭😭😭 thank you sweet boy

oscarpiastri: i love you gorgeous

ynlaeno: i love you more

oscarpiastri: simply not possible sweetheart

georgerussell63: and what can’t she do 💅🏻

ynlaeno: drive an f1 car!

georgerussell63: fair but you are good at karting! you even beat oscar last time!

user3: GEORGE DROPPING MORE LORE. she is good at karting??? y/n please let us know more about you im begging

mclarenf1: we love our fashion icon ynlaeno

user6: i knew this girl could dress but who knew she could own the runway too wtf

user7: y/n crumbs , thank you oscar

nicolelaeno has posted to her story

view all story replies

user18: IS THAT Y/N?! SHE SINGS?!

user14: why is it that every day i learn of a new skill y/n possesses

user4: MOTHER Y/N

oscarpiastri: i can’t wait to see this 😍

nicolelaeno: it’s going to be a good one!! y/n FINALLY agreed to sing for me 🤍

yourbff: yesssss she finally decided to sing for a video?!

nicolelaeno: it only took a lot of bribing, begging and pleading!! ms girl loves her privacy but she’s too talented to not share

user16: just fell to the floor

ynlaeno: 👀 i’m so nervous for everyone to see this

nicolelaeno: don’t be, you’re so talented y/n/n 🫶🏻

nicolelaeno: plus the internet literally loves you

lilymhe: my talented bestie back at it again

user7: more y/n crumbs! thank you nicole

f1gossip has made a post

liked by user2, user1, user3, user4, user5, user6, user7, user8, user9, and 10,238 others

f1gossip: this week on what lore are we going to learn about y/n: her and oscar were spotted out and about at an art gallery, she was in the background of an archery video that Nicole posted recently as well as a video from Nicole of y/n signing her favorite high school musical song and a video of her reading to a class of children has also surfaced. what do you all think about the ever elusive and private y/n being featured more often on social media?

view all 201 comments

user1: i feel like in the past month alone i’ve learned more about y/n than i ever had before despite her and oscar being together for so long

user5: obsessed with this. i hope we keep seeing more of y/n

user6: y/n just casually being good at everything again

user7: talented, beautiful, kind ,,,, she is the total package

user11: oscar’s really winning with her

oscarpiastri: yes, i really am

user11: oh my god it’s him

user9: just give me one chance y/n

user13: chat i love y/n so much

user12: very demure, very mindful, very cutesy

oscarpiastri has posted a story

view all story replies

user9: gnawing at the bars of my encloser

user93: oh this outfit is eating

logansargeant: ok lover boy

oscarpiastri: hehe that’s me

user56: oscar your page is becoming a y/n fan account

lilymhe: god dmn i’m in love

oscarpiastri: get in line 😭

lilymhe: NO

user7: y/n crumbs, thank you oscar!

ynlaeno: omg baby 🥹🥹🥹🥹

oscarpiastri: you’re so beautiful

ynlaeno: you’re too sweet

oscarpiastri: and you’re the love of my life

ynlaeno: and you’re mine forever 🤍

alexandrasaintmleux: please tell her to send me that skirt

oscarpiastri: only if you send me leo in exchange

user8: i get it, if she was my girl id post her like this too

user66: OMG ITS HAPPENING EVERYONE STAY CALM

user47: the way she went from 781 followers to 134,978 in 24 hours needs to be studied.

user6: this might be the most aesthetically pleasing feed i’ve ever seen

user8: the way oscar is in almost every single one of the comments saying how much he loves her and how beautiful she is 😭😭😭😭

user81: man is obsessed and i’m so here for it

user76 y/n’s biggest fan award goes to oscar 😭

user87: if my partner doesn’t hype up my every move like oscar does for y/n… i don’t want it

user32: oscar has single handedly raised my standards for men

user12: please tell me y’all saw all her story highlights of her singing

user16: don’t forget all the ones where she’s dancing 😭

user18: there’s nothing this girl can’t do

user98: i didn’t think i could love her more but honestly after this glimpse into her life,,,, i really do

ynlaeno has added to their story

view all replies

user66: HI (louder than everyone else)

user98: omg hi mother

alexandrasaintmleux: pretty girl!! i can’t wait to see you in singapore 🤍

ynlaeno: i can’t wait to see YOU!! its been too long since we had a girls night. let’s get dinner (without the boys 😉)

alexandrasaintmleux: yes please mon amor

oscarpiastri: pic credits?!

ynlaeno: thanks for the pic oscar, you’ve been trained well 😉

oscarpiastri: ☺️☺️☺️ i’m learning

ynlaeno: yes you are sweet boy

nicolelaeno: ok gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous. i miss you so much

ynlaeno: i miss you too bestie. i hope college is amazing

user56: i got a notif that you posted and got so excited

landonorris: you better text me before you drop THE post

ynlaeno: it’s taken me forever to pick the right pictures but it’ll be dropping shortly

landonorris: eeeeeeeeek

user9: first story on public omg 😭😭

lilymhe: i am outrageously obsessed with you

ynlaeno: and i’m obsessed with you my gorgeous bestie

user23: HI HI HI HI HI

ynlaeno has made a post

liked by mclarenf1, oscarpiastri, nicolelaeno, nicolepiastri, landonorris, lilymhe, yourbff, carlossainz55, alexandrasaintmleux, and 324,184 others

ynlaeno: something so exciting happened that i had to share it with you all. welcome to the page of the future mrs. piastri 🤍

view all 987 comments

ynlaeno: p.s. everyone say thank you lando for the impromptu photo shoot!! we love you dearly muppet 🫶🏻

oscarpiastri: thank you lando!

landonorris: you are so welcome. love you both to the moon and back ❤️

user4: no this is the cutest interaction i’ve ever seen im sick

user37: lando taking the pictures of them has me violently crying

user68: knowing lando took these pictures….. this might be the best thing to ever happen to me

oscarpiastri: i can’t wait to marry my best friend!! i love you my fiancé

ynlaeno: FIANCÉ!!! i know that’s right 🤍

user38: i love love

user27: THIS IS AN ICONIC FIRST PUBLIC POST

nicoleleano: SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

ynlaeno: me too bestie

user45: icon status wow

georgerussell63: congratulations 🤍

ynlaeno: thanks georgie 🤍

lilymhe: i’m openly weeping 😭😭😭🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🤍🤍🤍

ynlaeno: 🤍🫶🏻😭

user96: she’s so real for this i’d come off private to brag about being engaged to the oscar piastri too

nicolepiastri: congrats you two 🧡

ynlaeno: thank you mama p 🤍

user46: best day ever for annoying ppl (me)

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

a/n: thanks for reading!!! been busy with life and also having trouble with ideas. hoping to get back into the swing of things during fall break 🫶🏻

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

disclaimer: pictures are not mine and everything i write is fiction

© norrisainz33 || please do not rewrite, translate, or copy any of my works posted here on to any other platform

[prettieinpink]

Being that girl once again- back to school!

It’s back to school season everyone, and my favourite times of the year. In this post im going to give you stuff to do for back to school + advice in specific areas of your school life! I hope everyone can take away something from this post <3 

THINGS TO DO BEFORE BACK TO SCHOOL <3

Revise your past term content in your core subjects, ensure there’s nothing you do not understand(it’s better to understand now than have to understand later)

Review what you are going to be learning for this current term in your core subject, you don’t have to study it, just familiarise yourself. 

Catch up with your friends- hang out, call or text before the new school term. My favourite thing is to create predictions of drama, couples etc in the upcoming term w my girlies!

Create SMART goals for you to achieve that term, in any aspect you want. I say; 1 goal for academics, 1 goal for social and 1 goal for extracurriculars/sports. 

Clean your room !! do a deep clean and declutter. E.g wipe down all surfaces, hover pillows, vacuum floor, clean mirrors, take out any clothes you dislike

Do an everything shower + face masks!!

ACADEMICALLY

Everyday afterschool, revise everything that you’ve learnt today + the things that you struggle on

Anytime you get homework, complete it as soon as possible. Most of the time, it’s easy and non time consuming. 

Create study guides for exams/tests while actually learning instead of when the assessments are actually coming up. It saves you a lot of time, which you can use for studying effectively.

If you don’t already, have a specific learning/studying style that works for you. E.g flashcards, blurting, mind map, spaced repetition, the feynman technique. (ofc you can have multiple). Just know the pros and cons of each studying technique. 

Or, what I do is that I assign specific studying techniques to different subjects e.g science - blurting, HASS - flashcards, maths - the feynman technique. This may be different to what you have the most success learning.

Have a place, time every day or at least most days, where you can study without distractions. I like to study at the library afterschool, it’s chill and literally void of any distractions.

The only advice in which i’ll say is not optional– do practise questions under the said test conditions. Stop using websites, listening to music, being on your phone etc. Get in the zone and transfer the environment. 

SOCIALLY

Make an effort to say hi or goodbye to some people, even if you do not know them that well. If you’re up for it, ask them how they are going or how their day has been.

Start remembering names and birthdays. This will literally make people like you so much more, it’s so simple but people swoon over this. Process names in your mind and write down birthdays in your calendar. 

Don’t be afraid to talk to others. Most people do not care if you talk to them, and some are glad that you talk to them. This is how people become well-known or well-liked. 

Watch videos on how to converse with people you do not know well effectively and become close with them. TED x has a lot of videos on this, and are usually helpful. 

Don’t try to fit in with the crowd. It’s so draining, and even if you think they do, they most likely dislike you(sorry!) . Instead, find/be with your people. 

Join a club/extracurricular. You meet so many like-minded people this way, while still developing your own skills. I say everyone should at least have one solid extracurricular. 

If you are in a talking stage, three weeks is enough time for him or you to decide if you’re willing to date them. It’s not the 1920s anymore, we have imessages, facetime, skype and others to communicate and get to know each other without contact

Call out your friends if you notice them doing something toxic or generally anything they shouldn’t do. E.g gossiping, getting mad at others, bullying someone. If they continue, it will influence you in the long run.

MENTALLY 

Reframe your mindset. I know most of us do not favour school, but do not dwell on negativity and find ways to be positive/neutral about your circumstances. You’ll feel so much better.

Detach. Detachment is literally essential in highschool, there’s so much drama and most likely you will somehow get tied up in it. Stop absorbing what happens and let it influence you, observe what happens and learn from it. I have a post on this here. 

Start saying affirmations everyday. I know affs are usually viewed as a manifestation thing, but it doesn’t have to be. It can be a simple one minute way to cultivate a neutral/positive perspective of yourself. 

Journal. Things will happen, so journaling is a great way to discuss your circumstances, feelings, trauma, relationships etc and develop a sense of identity at the same time. I have a post on this here. 

Meditate. It can be go-go-go constantly, but just take a break and gain some mental clarity and see how much better you feel decluttering your mind. 

Embrace a change and growth mindset, especially in an environment where we are constantly required to adapt. 

PHYSICALLY

Start stretching.. seriously. You sit at a desk for like 5 hours a day excluding lunch and recess, everyday, which is of course going to do a number on your body. It can relieve pain in many different areas.

Have at least 1 form of exercise you do everyday. I know being students, we have to sit at a desk constantly. But, do not give up on practising good exercise habits. Not only can it help with results, it’s good for you.

Get the recommended sleep of 6-8 hours per night, which is good quality sleep without disruptions. It helps with long term memory and you’ll feel better. 

Start packing healthy but tasty lunches to school instead of buying. You’ll save so much money in the long run, and it’s better for your body. 

BEAUTY 

Get your uniforms tailored just a bit. Not too noticeable, but enough that it fits better on your body. Especially for button formal shirts, as they make you look 10 times as bulky than what you actually are. 

Buy new jewellery, earrings, necklaces or whatever you’re allowed. Subtle but noticeable jewellery makes girls look so pretty.

Learn new hairstyles!! Don’t just wear the same hair everyday, mix it up, it’s fun and makes you look attractive. 

Get a good eyebrow gel + clear mascara. Legit life changer, I look so much better everyday because I look put together without make up.

apply  vaseline on areas you would apply highlight, but avoid your eye area. 

Have a good skincare regime!! Being a student is stressful, getting pimples is a sign of stress. 

Okay that's it. Happy back to school everyone! Here’s an affirmation for you <3

I am intelligent and capable. I am skilled and confident in my abilities. I am perceived well by others. I am healthy. I am wealthy. I am looking for this term to be full of good grades, vibes, friends, growth and fun. 

[simplybakugou]

Could you do another drink bakugo?

⋆ PAIRING: drunk/prohero!bakugou x fem!reader ⋆ WARNINGS/TAGS: swearing; alcohol; all characters are adults ⋆ WORD COUNT: 3003

A/N: taking a break from mystic academia cause this has been sitting in my inbox for so long and i wanted to save it until i got some inspiration for another drunk!bakugou and i finally found the inspo hehe. also when i first started writing drunk!bakugou oneshots, i was 17 LMAO and now as a 23 y/o that has actually been drunk i can write this a little more accurately lol. also i was struggling trying to end this cause i didn’t want it to be longer than it already is (imo) lol so im sorry for the awkward ending. ty for requesting and i hope you enjoy!

© simplybakugou — all rights reserved. DO NOT REPOST/REUPLOAD, TRANSLATE, OR EDIT ANY OF MY CONTENT ON HERE OR ANY PLATFORM

It was a stupid idea. Why the hell would Bakugou go into a bar with the most loud and raucous people he knew even though he’d never drank a day in his life?

He couldn’t think of something he wanted to do less in that moment. He was exhausted, coming from a day of patrolling and hero work. Although his friends also came from their jobs, they actually drank alcohol and wanted to unwind after five years of constantly overworking themselves.

“Are you really not gonna get anything, Katsuki?” Sero questioned, giving the table’s drink orders to the bartender.

“I’m not fucking up my body just to look like an idiot like you dumbasses,” Bakugou huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair. 

“Why’d you come then?” Kaminari quipped, interested in hearing Bakugou’s answer.

“Cause your dumbass wouldn’t stop bothering me about coming out tonight!” Bakugou replied angrily.

“Oh yeah!” Kaminari exclaimed, laughing at himself. “I forgot.”

“It’s good to come out with us once in a while,” Kirishima said, nodding his head. “You’ve been working yourself to the bone since we graduated, man. We haven’t seen you in years.”

Bakugou rolled his eyes. “Don’t be fucking ridiculous. I’m not stopping until I’m number one. You shits can drink all you fucking want but I’m not gonna sit around every week just to catch up.”

Kaminari sighed, shaking his head. “This is why you’ve never had a girlfriend.” Sero nodded along with him.

“And what the fuck does that have to do with anything?” Bakugou snarled, slamming his fist against the table out of annoyance.

“You’re a workaholic, dude,” Sero stated matter-of-factly. “When are you gonna have the time to date? If you slowed down a little you could’ve at least gone out with Y/N back when you had a crush on her in U.A.”

“I did not have a crush on that shitty girl.” Bakugou felt himself getting even more angered just hearing your name uttered. 

“You keep telling yourself that,” Kirishima said, patting his friend on the shoulder only to get shook off by Bakugou. 

The drinks Sero ordered arrived and the rest of the guys cheered each other before downing their beverages. Bakugou sipped on his water he was forced to get after Sero berated him to order something.  

The more alcohol his friends consumed, the more rowdy and even more raucous they got and Bakugou questioned even more why he decided to go out with them. It was karaoke night at the bar and Bakugou swore his ears were bleeding as Kaminari consistently kept attempting to serenade him.

Despite how chaotic it was in the bar that night, Bakugou eventually found himself enjoying it. Kaminari and Sero got the most drunk, getting up to dance and stumbling over one another, which made Bakugou and Kirishima burst into laughter. He would never tell them, but he needed this time out and away from the constant need to work towards his one and only goal. 

The night was going great; until the door to the bar opened. Bakugou turned his head to the noise of the bell ringing above the door. It stuck out amongst the voices and loud nature of the room and he felt his face drop at the sight.

There you were, five years older than the last time he had seen you in person. And you weren’t alone as your arm was looped around the arm of another man.

Bakugou couldn’t help but stare at the sight. He drowned out the sounds of Kaminari, Sero, Kirishima, and a few strangers they had recruited at the bar playing drinking games as his focus was only on you. You scanned the area, waving shyly to a few people that recognized you as their favorite rising hero and sat in the corner of the room with your mystery man.

Kirishima glanced at Bakugou, recognizing that he was distracted by something else and looked towards what had caught his eye. He immediately understood the reason for the defeated look on his friend’s face.

“I’m sorry, man,” Kirishima stated simply. 

“Sorry?” Bakugou scoffed. “For what? There’s nothing to be sorry about. We were never together.” The last part Bakugou muttered to himself as he finally tore his eyes away from you and down to his glass of water.

And it was true; you and Bakugou were never together back when you attended U.A. with him and the others. Matter of fact, you didn’t even know Bakugou liked you back then as he made it his mission that you never found out. Not only did he refuse to let himself be subjected to such vulnerable feelings like love and infatuation, you and your peers were constantly bombarded with hero work and dealing with the League of Villains to ever have the time for confessions. At the time, romantic relationships were trivial. 

As things died down by the time class A graduated, Bakugou busied himself with his long-time goal of wanting to become the number one hero. He kept telling himself that it was time to grow up and forget about what he assumed to be a little crush but the more he kept shoving his feelings inside, the more intense they became.

That was why it felt like a punch to the gut to see you laughing with and leaning onto a man that wasn’t him. 

“Hey, dunce face,” Bakugou grunted. Kaminari lifted his head and looked over at Bakugou with hazy eyes. “Get me the strongest drink here.”

“Dude, you really should slow down,” Kirishima urged, concerned as he watched Bakugou down shot after shot. “You’ve never drank before and this’ll probably mess you up fast.”

“I don’t give a fuck,” Bakugou said in a rush, out of breath from the abundance of liquids he furiously ingested. He held the next shot glass to his lips, preparing himself to throw it back along with the countless shots he had already done; he felt like he was going to be sick, to no one’s surprise. Bakugou slammed the shot glass down onto the table, still full of alcohol, and he slammed his head onto the table as well. His head was throbbing but he felt like he could float in the air if he really tried. 

Kirishima chuckled at his friend, taking advantage of the situation and taking the shot glass away from Bakugou. 

Kaminari swung his arm around Bakugou’s shoulders. “See, dude, now we’re having fun!” The last word was elongated as he let out a small hiccup.

“Get the fuck off of me, dunce face,” Bakugou mumbled with his head still on the table, causing his words to be muffled. Nevertheless, Kaminari knew exactly what his grouchy friend had said but ignored him.

For the first time that night, Kaminari looked around the room and noticed you sitting alone now in the corner of the bar. He shot up, waving his hand out at you. “Y/N!”

Bakugou’s eyes, which were once closed shut as the alcohol was rushing to his head all at once, shot wide open as he whipped his head up. He felt dizzy from how quick the motion was. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Come on, man, she’s sitting over there all alone,” Kaminari reasoned, turning his attention back to you. You also had finally noticed your old classmates, smiling at the sight. “Hang out with us, Y/N!”

“Alone?” Bakugou questioned softly. He looked over at you and felt a wave of relief wash over him as he carefully watched you make your way to their table, mystery man out of the picture.

“I didn’t know you guys were here tonight,” you said with a smile. You sounded level-headed and Bakugou determined that you were probably the most sober person in the room that night.

“Yeah, we come here a lot after our patrol shifts,” Sero commented.

“All of you?” You questioned, interested as you scanned each of the guys sitting at the table. Finally you locked eyes with Bakugou and he swore your gaze could’ve pierced right through him. He broke eye contact first as he felt his face burning up even more with the effects of the alcohol. 

“We usually have to beg Katsuki to come out. You know how he is,” Kirishima teased, wanting to lighten the mood for his friend. It didn’t work as Bakugou still had a sour expression on his face.

“Wanna get a few drinks with us?” Kaminari offered.

You shook your head. “No, it’s alright. Tonight hasn’t gone the way I wanted so I think I’m going to call it a night. It was nice seeing you guys.”

You waved goodbye to the boys, sending a small smile towards Bakugou as you understood he was in a bad mood but not understanding why. Your back was turned to them as you walked towards the exit and it was a miracle how you didn’t have two vermillion holes in your back the way Bakugou was staring at you leaving.

Bakugou stood up abruptly and he grabbed his coat and wallet. He sloppily pulled out a few bills and slammed them on the table as he made his way out as well.

“Where are you going?” Kirishima questioned.

“Don’t worry about it.”

You cursed at yourself for leaving your jacket in your date’s car as the winter snow began to litter the streets. Your body was shivering terribly. The bar had a few tables and chairs in front of the building and you sat yourself down as you contemplated how on Earth you were going to get home. 

Before you could come up with a game plan, you felt a heavy leather jacket plop down onto your shoulders. You jumped at the sudden contact, watching as a clearly drunk-but-pretending-to-be-sober Bakugou sat himself in the chair across from you. “Bakugou! What’re you doing here?”

Bakugou ignored your question as he bluntly asked, “Where’s that fucker you came in with?”

You were taken aback by his questions. Only a few minutes ago did you realize that Bakugou, Kirishima, Kaminari, and Sero were there in the bar with you that night. If he had seen you with your date, that meant Bakugou had seen you when you walked in. 

You sighed, leaning back in your chair and pulling Bakugou’s jacket closer to you as it kept you warm. “He was being… weird.”

“Weird how.” It was a question but you sensed the animosity in Bakugou’s tone as his expression harshened in a way that made his question a statement.

You waved your hands to calm him down. Why was he so upset? “Nothing bad, don’t worry. He’s just some guy I started dating. We weren’t official or anything but I liked him. He said he didn’t like me being a hero and said I should get a job that’d suit me in a feminine way.” You chuckled humorlessly as you recalled the misogynistic comment.

“What a fucking loser,” Bakugou grumbled, loud enough for you to hear and laugh at. He leaned back in his chair, resting his eyes. “You told him to fuck off, right?”

You nodded, amused as you always were back in U.A. with Bakugou’s colorful vocabulary. “Yup. He got pissed and left me here and I left my stuff in his car like an idiot.” 

Bakugou opened his eyes and reached into his front pocket, cursing at himself as his fingers kept missing the opening seam. He pulled out his car keys and tossed them onto the table. You furrowed your eyes at the sight in confusion.

“Take my car to get home.”

You widened your eyes at his insane proposition, looking at the insignia on his keys as an expensive brand. “Bakugou, your car’s worth like a hundred million yen! There’s no way I can drive that!” 

“Just do it, idiot,” Bakugou groaned, placing his forehead on the cold, snow-covered table. “Can’t let you just sit here in the cold.”

A moment passed as you were contemplating your choices only to realize in that time, Bakugou had fallen asleep. You chuckled softly, never expecting to see health-conscious Bakugou who’s always been adamant about never drinking inebriated. 

You grabbed his keys and put them in the pocket of his leather jacket, slipping the jacket onto your arms. You knew you couldn’t just take his car and leave him here like this so you got up and went over to his side, gently shaking his shoulders to wake him. “Come on, big guy. We’re going home”

Bakugou let out a groan as you got him to his feet, your arm around his shoulders and you wrapped his arm around your waist to support him, resting your hand on his hand. You felt his body stiffen in reaction and you looked up at him curiously. His face was red again and you assumed it was a combination of the alcohol and the frigidness in the air. It most definitely was not either of those things.

“Where’d you park your car?” You asked as you slowly helped him walk.

He nodded in the direction ahead of you and you assumed he was referring to the parking lot that was thankfully right next to the bar. The two of you continued walking towards the lot and you found it unusual how quiet Bakugou was.

Once reaching the lot, you were originally going to search for Bakugou’s car only to not have to put any effort at all since his bright red sports car stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the Subarus and Toyotas.

You laughed, shaking your head. “Why am I not surprised by this at all, Bakugou.”

Bakugou flinched and he slowly pulled away from you, shoving his hands in his pockets as he wobbly made his way to his car. “Stop calling me that.”

“What? You don’t want me to call you Bakugou?” You question, confused. “Oh! I get it. You want me to call you by your hero name, right, Dynamight?”

“That’s not it either, idiot.”

“Oh, then, Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight?”

“You’re so stupid.” Bakugou stopped right in front of his car and turned around, slowly so that he wouldn’t fall over. He had his signature frown on his face only this time it was out of frustration. “Back in U.A. you’d call me Katsuki.”

“Yeah, I guess I did,” you said, nodding your head as you recalled doing so. “But that was five years ago. I haven’t seen you since then and I just wanted to be polite.”

Bakugou kept quiet but his eyes never faltered or wavered as he kept them on you. You felt like he could burn right through you if he tried as you didn’t understand his frustrations. “Is everything okay, Ba– I mean, Katsuki.”

Bakugou’s eyes slightly widened for a moment and he felt like he was transported back to being a teenager. “No. Everything’s not okay ‘cause I still have this stupid crush on you that I’ve had since our first year in U.A.”

He let out a sigh, feeling a weight on his shoulders dissipate and he turned around back towards his car. You stood in place, shocked at the confession that you did not foresee at all. There was no way the Bakugou Katsuki had a crush on you, especially when you were just teenagers.

“Open the door.” Bakugou turned his head to you as he waited by the passenger door.

“Wait, wait, wait.” You waved your hands in front of you, still unable to wrap his words around your head. “This has to be a joke. There’s just no way– Why would you have a crush on me?”

Bakugou shrugged. “Dunno. Just happened.”

Your face felt hot and it wasn’t because of the weather. So much of your relationship with Bakugou made sense with this new realization. The reason for his cold shouldering you on numerous occasions or annoyed stares he’d give you when you got in a relationship in your second year all started to make sense. It was his way of conveying his feelings for you. 

You shook your head, shaking the complex thoughts from your mind and snapping yourself back to reality as the cold air and Bakugou not having a jacket, since you were obviously wearing it, made you unlock his car with the key he gave you. You watched as Bakugou entered his car on the passenger side.

You knew you needed to give yourself a minute before you could enter the car beside him. How did you feel about him? You always thought he was handsome, when he wasn’t scowling at least, and you enjoyed seeing him mature every year in U.A. Even after graduation, you always watched the news fondly as you watched him evolve into an incredible hero, one that you knew was worthy of becoming number one. 

So Bakugou Katsuki liked you. If your poor previous relationships taught you anything, it was to not turn down a good man when he was right in front of you. Or at least sitting in his sports car waiting for you to drive the two of you home since he was unexpectedly inebriated to do so himself. 

Taking in a breath, you knew what you had to do; you wanted to see where this would go between the two of you. You opened the driver’s side door, sitting in your seat and collecting your thoughts briefly before turning to Bakugou to tell him exactly what was on your mind. You wanted to give it a shot.

And you were intent on doing just that until you turned to look at Bakugou only to see he was once again fast asleep, his chest rising and falling. You chuckled at the sight, taking in how adorable he was in that moment. Slipping his jacket off your body, you draped it over his body.

“Guess you’ll have to stay with me tonight.”

If you'd like to join my taglist, please join here!

Taglist (those who can’t be tagged here will be tagged in the comments):

@ahrinine @yahuwin @heroacademiafan @kirisclementine @happygalaxymilkshake @hookedinto-fictionalworlds @yaoyoroxu @cat181818meow @mirakeul @thatpeachybandgirl @shycoffeeparadise @iambashfulperson @sugacookiies @softiehawks @averitatsuyabnha @captaincyberqueen @corvid007 @kyluskaye @icy-hott @urmomsshousee @lmaobroccoli @anastar-legion @lowermoons @spectral-girl @mykuronekome @yourlocalsunfloweobsessedweeb @susu-chan @selfship-mishaps @nk-echi @ilovepizzaandimhot @life-is-not-daijobu @yoongiiyooo @runrabbitrun3 @dangerousluv1 @melodysakura @thooo0t @bibly @koiibin @anon-weeb-030 @magicshopowner @uglyratlmao @thathoneybee3 @yappychan @iheartfictionalboys @wisteria-and-nightshade @faeviii @soturoayami @moonlightaangel @creepyproxies @mhasimp666

[cinnamonbear22]

Oblivious love (c.s x reader)

Chapter six

First five parts are up <3

This part is suuppperrr long but it’s fun sooo

Tw: fem reader, suggestive!!!, angst, fluff

no one could have ever prepared me for how hard it was being in a long distance relationship. days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months. my life seemed as if it were flying by now since i was consumed with working full time at a populated restaurant as a server. me and chris tried the best we could to stay in touch everyday, but considering how both our lives are so busy, sometimes we'd only be able to text once maybe twice a day. we barley call much anymore, and he hasn't been back to boston in six months.

but i knew our connection was strong. it always has been.

but as much as he would reassure me, it was easy for me to get extremely down and insecure. the thought of another girl had always run through my head, or if he was losing interest, or if he really enjoyed the chase but not us actually being together. i knew he was afraid of commitment, and in times like these, it was hard for me to believe he still wanted to be with me.

but every month that we've been together, he'd always send me a package and tons of letters on our little anniversary date. we'd even have an over the phone dinner date. it sounds extremely corny, but it was so worth it. tonight was our nine month anniversary. i was more than anxious to get home to call him, and open the stuff he had sent me. he's always spoiling me.

i had three hours left of my shift, it was a crazy friday night with orders being thrown left and right, rude customers, and even worse tippers. it wasn't a good day for me at all. i had to work an eleven hour shift as well to cover the call offs. as much as i loved making money, this was totally draining. but i knew that at the end of the night i would be able to hear his voice and virtually celebrate with him.

the bell from the kitchen feverishly rang as dishes were flooding the counter. i was quick to snatch them quickly but carefully to take them to each table, being polite and sweet to each of the customers. i felt my overwhelmed body slowly shutting down. i was hot, gross, sweaty, and my mind was completely overstimulated.

i rushed to the back of the restaurant where my manager was helping the cooks with tickets and plating food. "hey im sorry, i need to step out for a minute" i more demanded than asked him as i wiped the beads of sweat coming from my forehead.

"be back in five, please" he nodded with extreme aggressiveness in his eyes as he said with those words. my manager was super sweet and understanding, but i could tell he was just as overwhelmed as i was.

i grabbed my cellphone from my purse and headed out into the back parking lot where i usually spent my breaks sitting against the wall and getting fresh air. i lazily sunk back against the warm brick, letting my body collapse on the cement. without hesitation, i called chris.

it rang for a long time before he actually picked up. "hey baby" his voice was quick to calm my overworked nerves.

"hi" i couldn't help but to smile at the little pet name. he's been calling me that for awhile now, but it always me butterflies. he still gives me butterflies.

"how are you doing? how's work?"

"crazy, we're fucking slammed" i took a deep breath while closing my eyes and leaning my head against the brick.

"awe" he cooed sympathetically, but i couldn't help but hear the array of voices in the background. "i'm sorry love"

"thank you," i tried my best to recognize the voices. it was hard to tell over the phone. "what are you up to?"

"just with a few friends" his answer was short. Which was strange to me because he never answered short, he was always going into detail about every little thing in his life.

"oh" i hummed. i wasn't sure what to make of it, i was most definitely overthinking it.

"i'm so sorry to cut this short but i really have to go" he was now slightly chuckling. i assumed his friends were trying to get his attention.

"it's okay" i swallowed hard and tried to cover the disappointment in my voice.

"i'll try to text you"

"thanks" i bit my lips as i felt my throat completely drying up.

"bye bye my sweet princess" his voice sounded and happy and it was hard for me to reciprocate his energy.

"wait" i held him up, hoping he'd still stay on the line.

"yes baby?"

"are we still going to call tonight..?" i asked sheepishly, afraid of his answer.

"why tonight?" his voice sounded genuinely confused as fits of laughter were happening near him.

"nothing. i'm sorry to bother you, bye" and with that i quickly hung up the phone as tears rolled down my cheeks. how could he forget? did he genuinely forget? i know he's busy... but how..?

the rest of the shift ended up being a bit miserable. even with how busy it was, it was all blocked out by the thoughts of mine and his conversation. millions of possibilities ran in my head to why and how he could’ve forgotten and that basically ate me alive the rest of the night. was it possible did he not care anymore? i was an insignificant part of his busy life, i wasn't a priority to him considering he had much bigger things to worry about. but why is he stringing me along then? just to know he has someone? so he doesn’t feel alone?

after i did my closing duties i didn't hang around like i usually did. i wished everyone a goodnight, grabbed my stuff, and left as fast as i could. there was nothing more that i wanted then to go home and cry into my mothers arms.

the traffic wasn't bad on the way home since its sort of late. barley anyone was out besides at the late night bars or clubs. once i turned down my street, i eyed up the sturniolo's home as if the triplets were magically going to be there. there were two extra cars sitting in their driveway from what their own cars, one of them looked like nate's, the other one i believed was justin's. it wasn't unusual that nate would sometimes go over there solo just to have dinner with them, or help mr. sturniolo out with home projects.

once i had pulled into my driveway a few houses down, i was welcomed with an empty driveway meaning my mom went out. the pit in my stomach grew as a few more tears slipped out of my eyes, wanting nothing but comfort right now. i walked into my empty, dark home with dread hanging heavy over my head. at least i had his card to open tonight, considering it came in the mail a few days ago but i always wait until the day of our anniversary to open it.

i didn't even bother turning on the house lights since i just went straight into my bedroom. the card was laying neatly on my nightstand near some of the trinkets and items from previous packages. as i sat down on my bed, i checked my phone one last time to see if i had any notifications from him.

i prayed there would be. i prayed that he had realized that he'd remember, and this whole night would make a good turn.

but he didn't.

i reached for the card and began opening it since we weren't going to open our gifts over facetime like how we normally do... how did he forget?

inside the envelope contained a store bought card with a corny quote on the front. this was also not like him at all. he always, always hand-wrote me letters that would be several pages long. this was adding to my overthinking, proving myself right that he could be losing interest.

inside the card contained a twenty dollar gift card to mcdonald's, and a continuation of the corny quote in the inside. the only thing that he wrote on the inside was a heart signed with his name after.

"are you serious..?" i took a shaky deep breath while speaking out loud to myself. he never, ever has done anything like this before. it's not that i'm not appreciative of his gifts big or small, I appreciated every single thing this man has ever done for me, but it's easy to tell how minimal effort he put into this. he couldn't even write 'love chris'? he couldn't write a little more? he always does.

i tossed the card on the floor, letting out all my tears instead of holding them back. i threw my phone on my bed and bitterly walked myself into the bathroom, turning on the shower before running back and grabbing some pajamas for after.

i just wanted to talk to him a little longer tonight. i wanted nothing but to hear his voice, and enjoy our anniversary together over the phone. but he couldn't even remember.

this was complete bullshit.

third person

chris in-fact did not forget their anniversary. currently, he was a few houses down from her in his own. justin, nate, (y/n)'s mom, and his parents all picked him and his brothers up at the airport a few hours ago.

chris had been planning this surprise for a few weeks now, and ever since he'd been planning, he's been wanting to tell (y/n) so badly. it was so hard for him to keep anything from her since she was basically his personal diary where he would tell her every thought that ran across his head.

he had sent her a shitty card on purpose just to add more to his surprise. but with keeping this secret from her, over the last few weeks it had been hard for him to even speak to her. everytime he'd hear her voice he felt extreme guilt. he felt like he was lying to her, betraying her. it caused him to be more distant which was also giving him major anxiety.

but finally tonight was the night his plan was finally going to unfold. all of the stress and tension was finally going to be released. his entire body was beaming, he felt so jittery and excited. it had been months since they last seen each other.

not to mention, the amount of gifts he had bought her was absolutely absurd. it took him, matt, nick, and nate to carry everything he had bought for her. he never cared spending the money on her. he enjoyed gift giving.

"she's home from work, she usually jumps in the shower right away once she's off" her mother peered out the window and chris's heart began to race. the love of his life was only a few houses down, just like the past. nick had grabbed the camera since chris had asked him to record it since they had all loved looking back at memories.

"come on, let's go" chris smiled widely, grabbing an arm full of his gifts and matt and nate did the same, nick carried as much as he could since he had already started recording.

they had all piled out their front door, running like children down the sidewalk to (y/n)'s house. they were all chuckling and laughing as the warm summer breeze lifted their hair. all of them felt nostalgic, remembering they used to do this all of the time.

(y/n)'s mom had left the back door open for them in advance before she left her house. they quietly opened her chain linked fence, being cautious of how rusted the hinges were.

all of them were filled with laugher, trying their hardest to open the sliding back door and keeping their chuckles as quiet as possible. chris's energy was extremely contagious, for they all felt overwhelmed with excitement and giddiness. especially because they know how hard it was for chris to keep the secret away from (y/n).

"wait" matt quietly shushed all of them as they all stopped dead in their tracks. they all stood around and looked at him, seeing what the problem was. "alright showers going, let's go" he smiled and they began to tiptoe on the steps leading up to her bedroom.

"we have to do this real quick" chris spoke low to them as he opened up her door slowly.

quietly, each of them flooded into her room and they all instantly got to work. nick handed the camera off to nathan as he began to arrange the rose petals chris had bought into a heart on her bed. matt and nathan scattered the helium balloons around her bedroom, as chris started to litter her bed with the gifts he had bought her. he had ended up buying her so much that he couldn't even fit all the presents on just her bed, he had to arrange them neatly on her bedroom floor.

"mom?" (y/n) called down her steps, causing all of the boys to freeze in their place. "are you home?" her voice sounded hurt, making chris's heart drop.

nick quietly made his way behind her door and shut off her lights that were near him. matt laid on the floor near her bed that was out of view from the door, and nathan hurried and took the closet. she sighed when she didn't hear a response, and her footsteps began approaching the room they were all in.

chris held onto the plush bear he got her, which the big bear held a number nine. he was buzzing practically, he anxiously rolled back and forth from his heels to his toes. he couldn't handle the anticipation, he just wanted to run out a hug her as tight as he could. his smile was ear to ear as he could hear the doorknob jiggling, he couldn't see anything since her room was now pitch black.

the doorknob jiggled, but she never entered the room. instead, they heard footsteps straying away from her room and down the steps. "are you fucking kidding me" nick whispered through gritting teeth, causing them all to laugh quietly amongst themselves.

(y/n) skipped down the steps and into her dark kitchen. she flipped on the light switch, and opened up one of her cabinets to grab a bowl. "what's she doing?" matt muttered as everyone listened carefully. once the sound of cereal being poured, they all began to laugh once again.

"cereal after a shower is crazy" nate peaked his head out of the closet and they all began to chuckle more. it was the best type of laughter, where they all tried holding it back but the more they heard each other they just couldn't. it was like getting the giggles in church but you have to be quiet.

"why it crazy though?" chris argued with his friend in the dark, clutching the bear to his chest as he began to sway around anxiously. "if you really think about it it's sort of an amazing comb-"

"be quiet!" nick lowly hushed all of them. the room became completely silent, not even their breathing could be heard. chris listened carefully to the footsteps approaching the door once again. his entire body was radiating as the wide grin came back onto his face. he wouldn't be able to hide it if he tried.

(y/n) wiped her dripping nose with chris's hoodie she was wearing with the hood draped over her head. the scent was almost completely faded from it. she tried her best not to cry anymore. she was so disappointed and upset, she had no idea what to even think. her shower didn't help clear her thoughts whatsoever.

slowly, her bedroom door creaked open and the hallway light spilled into the room. nick held his breath as he held the camera up towards chris. chris's heart was pounding so hard he was convinced everyone in the quiet room must've heard it. (y/n)'s hand wearily roamed her wall to reach the light switch.

once she had flicked it on, chris had finally burst. "happy nine months!" he screamed excitingly, gripping the bear so tight in his hands since he was ecstatic.

first person

my jaw had hit the floor.

my entire stomach filled with butterflies as i set my bowl on my dresser and ran into his arms that quickly welcomed me. he had swiftly dropped the bear he was holding while i jumped into him at full speed, wrapping my arms around his neck and legs around his torso. he stumbled back a little, but he was able to still stand as he held me back just as tight. this had to have now been the one-hundredth time i cried today, but these tears were good ones.

"my love..." i pulled away from him as he held me under my butt, we both looked in each others eyes with extreme adoration. "i missed you" my hand reached around his neck to his face as his eyes grew glossy. his smile was so big and genuine it absolutely melted my heart.

"surprise" he raised his brows and smiled as he spoke in a gentle tone with me. both of us started to lean in, slowly closing the small gap between us.

"woah! woah! woah!" nicks voice screamed throughout the room right as i was about to reach his lips. "do not" he held up his finger wagging it dramatically. my eyes went wide from complete awe as he was holding a camera that was pointed at us.

"nick?!" i looked back at chris with excitement and disbelief, then back to nick. chris set me down and i was quick to engulf nick in a hug. "oh my god nick, why haven't i seen you in so long?" he bent down and hugged me tightly around my shoulders as i strangled his neck, laughing at my reaction into my damp hair. "i'm going to kill you" i wiped my eyes from the tears that were gently falling, i felt an array of emotions all at once and my body didn’t know what to do.

"i'm sorry" he leaned back at me and smiled apologetically, pulling me back into him after i had just smacked his arm. "shit has gotten so crazy" he talked dramatically while i leaned against my best friend. "it wasnt intentional you know that" he squeezed my shoulder gently and platonically pecked the top of my head. "you know you're my best friend for life, no matter what" we both looked at each other and smiled, making me feel so much better.

"where's my matty b?" i stepped away from nick and looked around for matt. I knew he had to be here somewhere since he was usually never without them. as my eyes were scanning the area for him, i finally began recognizing my room. it was littered with gorgeously wrapped gifts and bags that spilled off of my bed. there was rose petals that were arranged in a heart with a nine in the center, and balloons floated against my ceiling. my heart had completely stopped at the display in front of me. "oh my god..." i froze in place as my hand covered my agape mouth staring at the array of gestures. "christopher..." i looked over at him with shock which he smiled widely and crossed his arms pridefully.

"i'm here" matt pushed himself off my floor, but i was so caught up in the scene in front of me his words were drowned out. i was completely lost in chris's overjoyed smile. "don't be too excited" his tone sounded sassy which immediately drew my attention back to him.

"awe matt," i quickly turned with open arms and pulled him right into me. "i missed you so much" i gave him a tight squeeze around his torso as his hands rubbed my back. "you're a jerk too for not seeing me sooner" i pulled away and nudged his stomach playfully as he chuckled from how ticklish he was.

"come on," he smiled down at me and kept his arm around my shoulder. He still gently rubbing my back before speaking again, "you know i didn't do it on purpose. like nick said, it's been absolutely insane down in l.a. for us"

"i understand, im just teasing you" i gave him one more tight squeeze before i slowly gravitated towards chris. He smiled warmly at me as he held up one of his arms in a welcoming manner. i leaned right into him as his arm draped around my shoulder and kissing the top of my head excitedly. my closet doors suddenly swung open, revealing nate with a goofy smile. "nathan?" i was more confused than excited, considering me and him went out for coffee this morning. "are you serious? did you know the whole time?"

"what? it's not my secret to tell" he grinned as i walked out from underneath Chris to hug him lovingly even though i was with him almost everyday.

"and you're a jerk, as well as the rest of them" i had nudged his arm with saying that, but i was prompt to head straight back into chris. i rested my head against his shoulder as i wrapped my arm around his torso looking around the room filled with an absurd amount of gifts and my best friends. his strong scent filled my nose, giving me a serene sensation i've been craving.

"alright, we're going to leave you guys alone" nick put down the camera as he watched me and Chris adoringly. He started to gather up Matt and Nathan like a mother.

"awe guys," i slightly pouted at the sight of them walking out of my room. as much as i wanted to be with chris right now, i havent seen matt and nick in months. I missed them just as much as I missed chris. "we have to do something tomorrow okay?" i walked over to both nick and matt, opening my arms for another hug from the each of them.

"promise" matt rubbed my back softly for reassurance of the plans.

"i love you guys, thank you so much" my eyes darted in between nick, matt, and nate. "ill see you tomorrow nate" i hugged him too since i didn't want him to feel left out. they all started to walk out of my bedroom, closing the door behind them. i didn't even have to let them out since they've been here so many times, it's like their second home. once i had heard the door close shut, I turned around slowly to face my goofy boyfriend. "christopher owen what have you done?" i asked in shock with my hand on my hips, looking like a mother who's about to discipline her child.

"was it too much?" he chuckled as i still stood in place, reality completely setting in for me now. i didn’t know how to feel at all, i was so down for months, especially today and then suddenly, here is the solution for my sadness standing right in front of me. but for one, i've been neglected all day long by him, and quite frankly the last month has been pretty rough communication wise. so he thinks a ton of gifts are going to undo the damage? but it was such a surprise... it seemed genuine if he had his brothers and friend here to help. it was hard to be mad at him, i could never stay mad at him, but the way he makes me feel sometimes is unbearable. "you're not talking right now i'm scared" he raised the large teddy bear up to hide his face childishly before walking closer to me. he started to reach his arms out to grab me with a smug grin. I didn’t know how to feel at all right now. truly, I’ve never felt more mixed emotions in my life.

"i'm seriously going to kill you" i pushed his arm away as he tried to give me a hug. his face completely dropped from a sly smirk to a tense, hesitant expression.

"what?" he pouted with glossy lips and his brows knit tightly together with confusion.

"you made me feel like a piece of shit all day chris, not even all day but the last month" my emotions felt extremely mixed. i am so much more than happy to see him, he’s the love of my life, but the way things have been going for us haven't been all too good. everytime I bring up that I wanted to talk about our issue and fixing it, he would always come up with an excuse to why we couldn’t talk right then, or not even respond at all. i knew he wasn’t the type to handle confrontation well, but if this was going to be the only time we had to talk about it, it was going to happen now.

"i-im sorry!" he slightly raised his voice that was laced with a bit of fear. "please don't be mad, i know you are though, but see, it was all apart of the plan" he smiled pleadingly while rambling and started slowly moving away from me. "listen baby, i know i've seemed distant for a little bit but you have to understand" he pressed his lips together as his eyes were showing extreme distress.

"understand what?" i cocked a brow aggressively without even meaning to.

"i started planning this surprise around two months ago, and ever since i booked the flights and told my brothers the idea, i've felt so anxious ever since." his tone was sincere and timid as he still held eye contact with me.

"anxious about what?" i asked more softly, my heart slowly began to melt. I hated hearing that he was anxious, I know how bad he struggles with anxiety but he refuses to talk a lot about it, so him openly using that term made my heart sink.

"every single time we'd speak, text, call, whatever! i always felt like i was lying to you by not telling you i was coming back into town for our anniversary, and that really, really stressed me out" he took a deep breath with his hand over his chest. “because it would just fucking kill me everytime I heard your little voice over the phone asking ‘am I going to see you soon?’ and I just had to say no” he mocked my voice but in a non-teasing manner. It looked as if he were having a small panic attack, his eyes frantically roamed all over my face and his chest rose and fell rapidly. I bit my lip guilty at the fact that I jumped to conclusions way too quickly. "and i cannot lie to you, ever, i had to lie and tell you i wasn't coming home anytime soon, i lied about upcoming events, i had to lie and lie and lie" he swallowed hard as my face completely softened from the anger I was holding onto. "i don't like lying to you. i never will ever again, and it was so hard on me to keep this from you since i tell you everything" he was anxiously rambling, our eyes locked strongly as he spoke. "i felt so guilty, i didn't even know how to talk to you for the last month. i'm so sorry." i stood there quietly while my eyes darted across the room at the substantial amount of gifts that were overflowing from my bed to the ground, then back up at chris who was rubbing his mouth; one of his subconscious nervous habits. "baby i'm really sorry" his brows knitted together as his eyes widened and he kept his hand covering his mouth. "please say something i'm really scared" he broke eye contact with me for the first time and looked around the room nervously.

my heart was completely melted. i felt so ashamed to even be passive aggressive towards him, he didn't deserve that at all. my lips pouted for playful sympathy as i started to walk towards him. i stood on my tip toes and i threw my arms around his shoulders, hugging his neck and running my fingers through his soft hair. "chris" i sighed and hugged him tighter as his arms found their way around to my waist. my head gently rested on his shoulder as i took in more of his cologne. "i love you, so, so much" i picked my head off of his shoulder and began to pepper kisses all around his cheeks, earning a lot of small chuckles and laughs from him. "you are the sweetest boy ever" my hands traveled from hair hair up his jaw to cup his face. his big familiar smile returned from earlier. "thank you" i smiled back up at him, caressing his cheeks gently as his eyes focused down on me. his face was completely relaxed now, no more tension, no more stress. just him.

he slowly bent his head down to my height and yanked me even closer to him. our bodies were fully pressed together now, and as much as we've been close and intimate, butterflies were quickly filling the insides of my stomach as i felt a blush spread across my face. his ears were tinted a soft pink as well as his cheeks, making me smile even wider at how adorable he looked. "you're smile is so precious" his eyes looked down at my mouth and quickly reconnected with mine again. i bit my lip to try and resist smiling and blushing even more, but i couldn't help it. "thank you for forgiving me my sweet princess," his hand swept gently across my burning cheeks, brushing away my stray damp hair.

"how could i not" my hands still held his gentle face as we both stared at each other with worship and appreciation. we both began to lean in and finally, after six long months, our lips softly engaged in a sweet, tender kiss. we were both so light with our soft touches, but the energy and compassion was radiating throughout the room. we breathed heavily against each other as my hands laced through the back of his hair and his big hands started squeezing my waist, pulling me into him even more as if we havent seen each other in decades. i felt him begin to smile in the kiss, making me blush even harder. his smile then turned to small chuckles as he pulled away from me and covered his mouth to try and refrain his laughter. "what?" i looked at him in an amused fashion, my eyebrows shot up with confusion as i immediately felt embarrassed. "did i do something? did my kissing get bad?"

"no, no" he waved his hands as his face was pink and his eyes were squinted shut from laughing so much. "i'm just really, really happy. i started laughing i’m sorry" he pressed a smile in his lips before covering his mouth again and looking away. "i'm sorry"

"do i have something on my face or what?" i immediately pushed myself off of him and turned to look in the mirror that's on my wall, checking myself up and down to see if there was anything laughable. "bad breath?"

"no," he whined, accentuating the 'o' before he came up behind and picked me up by the waist, squeezing me tightly. "i'm actually just so happy and giggly" he kissed my cheek before picking me up and spinning us around. i began to laugh now at his high energy, i could feel it shedding off of him and into me. "i'm just so happy to see my girl" he set me down but still kept his arms around my waist. he gently began swaying us both side to side as i laughed with him. "my girl, my girl, my girl" he sang the temptations song in my ear as his head laid on my shoulder. "now," he spun me around again and faced me towards my bed. "i want to see you open all your gifts" he let go of my waist and began to rub his hands together deviously. "i can't wait to see your reaction" he smirked down at me causing me to laugh.

"youre the corniest person i've ever met." i shook my head as he softly pushed me to sit on my bed. like a little elf, he handed me every single gift. each gift i had opened he would give an explanation for each item i've received. what meaning it had, why he picked it, where he got it and whatnot. he was completely ecstatic and had high reactions to my own. it was like he was the one receiving. each item he got me was expensive... price does not matter to me whatsoever, but absolutely nothing at all was cheap of what he got me. i felt so horrible and guilty at the same time. "chris i feel like a spoiled brat right now" i shyly looked up at him as i held a dior necklace in my hands, the same one i have only mentioned one time to him months ago.

"you are a brat" he was laying on his side across ny bed, his arm propping his head up as he watched me open the gifts. his eyes were slightly drooping now, making me almost fold completely.

he had to have been tired from a long day especially with flying, that always made him excessively sleepy. his eyes tiredly looked up at me, his hair was a bit messy, and his bicep was slightly flexed as he held his head up. "am i?" i jokingly challenged him, trying to bother him on purpose.

"oh yeah," his voice was slightly hoarse as well, making me tense up. "you're a little spoiled brat" he widened his eyes in a silly manner, nudging me in the back with his foot. "look at you blushing" he cooed at me in a high-pitched voice, reaching his hand that wasn't holding his head up to pinch at my thighs.

"cut it out" i covered my face and looked the opposite direction, only getting more flustered. i couldn't even control it at this point.

"stop, look back" he whined childishly but i didn't listen to him just to push his buttons. "see you are a brat you don't listen" i heard him shift on the bed and quickly i felt his hands slide against my waist. he rested his head on my shoulder, pressing me against his chest. "what? you dont like being called a spoiled brat?" his fingers gently crept from my back up to my neck, pushing my hair away softly as he craned his face in my skin.

"you're so annoying" i leaned against him, tilting my head to the side so he had more room to nestle his face in. i was such a sucker for him.

"am i?" he mocked me as his hot breath hit against my skin, sending chills immediately up my spine. "if i'm so annoying then why do you have goosebumps?" he gently pressed his lips into the side of my neck, completely making me cave into him. i didn't even know how to tease him back, his touch was easy to make my head spin. "c'mon my love let's open the rest of the gifts" he now pecked a kiss underneath my jawline as his hands slid underneath the hoodie i was wearing, gripping my bare waist tightly. his hands felt so warm against my skin.

"don't tease me" i snapped out of the trance i was in, taking my head off of him so I could look up at him behind me. his eyes were still droopily tired with a cocky smirk across his face.

"what? i'm not doing anything" he pretended to be innocent behind his lustful blue eyes. i looked him up and down with pressed lips together as his fingers started to rub tiny circles in my waist.

"are you going to let me go so i can keep opening your gifts?" i collected myself so i could shoot back at him.

"i'm never, ever letting you go" his sexy smirk turned into a large smile and he quickly kissed my forehead. He started to shuffle around the bed some more and scooted closer towards me.

"corny" i rolled my eyes at him before he completely picked me up on the bed, and threw me to the other side.

"who you callin' corny" he began to tickle me as rose petals now scattered everywhere, and i began laughing as hard as i could.

"chris! im going to kill you!" i roared while trying to swat his hands away until i finally lunged up at him. i started to push him off me as and began feverishly hitting him to try and get him to stop tickling me.

but considering all of his years fighting with his brothers, he swiftly grabbed my hands in an instant, and tackled me against the bed. "you're so cute" he had big puppy dog eyes as he was fully restricting my limbs since he was on top of my arms and legs. he began peppering kisses all over my face as i tried to squirm and move out of his grip. "awe," he cooed down at me as my face was cringing away from him. "you'll never be able to get away" he teased me one more time before getting up to sit calmly at the edge of my bed.

"you're so crazy" i tried to kick him but my legs didn't reach. he just smiled and shook his head, laughing away at his own actions.

"crazy in love" he said in a nerdy voice before collapsing and laying completely dead in my bed. he sighed dramatically like how they do in movies, making me laugh even more at him. everything felt so perfect. so normal. for the first time in months i felt complete. he was truly my other half.

i crawled over to him as he pretended to be dead at the edge of my bed, his eyes were shut and his tongue was hanging out. i laughed at him and pinched his side, and surprisingly he didn’t even flinch. "that's so unfortunate" i sighed loudly like he did but his eyes still didn’t open. "well, good thing i can go to my other boyfriends house in my new victoria secret set, lacy, reveali-"

"what new set?" only one of his blue eyes opened and i immediately started laughing at his immaturity. "you got a new set and didn't show me?!" both his eyes now opened widely as i sat above him.

"not concerned about the other boyfriend or?" i joked but he quickly responded with scoff.

"i know you don't have another boyfriend because i've demolished every single male who looks your way" he raised his brows dramatically with a know it all attitude, cracking his knuckles goofily and nodding proudly.

"demolished is a crazy word choice" my hand reached down to his head that was rested near my lap. i started to gently run my nails through his hair and he instantly smiled at the sensation. He looked up at me lovingly, and returned the gaze. “you’re so weird,” i giggled down at his silly lovestruck smile.

"show me the new set" his expression looked eagerly at me while wiggling his eyebrows.

"you are the worlds biggest cornball" i slapped his arm and he pinched my thigh as his comeback. "i didn't actually get one"

"boo" he shoved a thumbs down in my face before putting his arms behind his head, showing off more of the veins in his along his forearms and wrist. "don't worry," he brought back his devious smirk that made my heart drop. "i got you one."

"did you really?" i was shocked, not expecting that at all from him. "how did you know what size to get?" i tilted my head in curiosity.

"i know you inside and out baby" he winked jokingly at me, instantly causing blood to rush straight to my cheeks.

"i hate you" i laughed in an embarrassed manner while feeling the cockiness radiate off of him.

"it's in that pink bag right there" he lifted his arm out from behind his head and pointed to one of the unopened bags on the ground. "try it on" he demanded, but quickly changed his demeanor. "please" he softened his hard face to a pleading one.

my cheeks were most definitely as bright as a tomato as i stood up from my bed, stepping over gift bags and reaching for the pink one. "this one?" i asked while holding it up as he nodded with a wide smile on his face. "oh my god.." i bit my lip nervously.

i set the bag down on my dresser and began to move the tissue paper over to reveal a smaller box inside. chris started to shift around in my bed, sitting straight up with his hands neatly in his lap. "i'm really excited" he clapped his hands as he carefully watched my expression through the mirror. "but if you don't want to try it on it's okay" he quickly threw up his hands in defense with big apologetic eyes.

"no, no, i will" i turned back and looked at him with the box in my hand.

"are you sure?" he asked, his lustful attitude quickly left as he double checked.

"yes baby" i smiled and didn’t hesitate to walk out of my room into the bathroom. i didn't mind changing in front of him, but i wanted this to be a surprise since he was on the edge of his seat.

i walked down the hall into the bathroom and quickly opened the box. inside there was a white lingere set. the top was very lacy and displaying, definitely not covering up much. as well as the bottoms, they were lacy just like the top, with not much coverage.

of course, he'd pick the one with the least amount of fabric.

i began undressing myself from my pajamas and into the lingerie. i have no idea if this would fit considering how small it was... i carefully clasped the bra and turned it around the right way, weaving my arms into the delicate straps. i dropped my pants, and slid on the tiny thong.

i looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, and surprisingly, it hugged everything perfectly. it accentuated my breast as well as my thighs, making me feel like a super model. although it was extremely sheer and revealing, it made me look amazing.

i started to pick up my clothes off the bathroom floor and i started to assemble the small box back together so i didn't leave a mess. as i was throwing away the tissue paper from inside the box, a condom fell out from the decretive sheer sheets. "chris.." i sighed to myself before grabbing it as well as the rest of the items i took into the bathroom. i hurried down the hall incase my mom came home and i didn't hear, and stood nervously outside my door. "close your eyes" i yelled, resting my hand on the knob.

[katetorias]

Hi :D

Sorry for the anon ask, I'm too shy to ask on your Instagram story whenever you do a qna. I've been wondering what it feels like to be (part of) a system. I can't quite imagine what that must be like and I'm just super curious about it

One of my most burning questions has been: how does it feel to just come into existence as a new alter? You said that Prom is still a fairly new addition and I honestly can't imagine what that must feel like and how someone wouldn't know they were a system after that.

Also how does it feel to be an alter that isn't the host? Does it feel shitty to not be out as much and to be considered "somebody's alter" instead of their own person?

Feel free to ignore this if you're uncomfortable with it. Also love your art of you and your fiancé, so cute!!

since systems are formed due to the unique trauma the specific system went through, we can only really talk on our experiences. since people react to trauma differently, systems (an extreme trauma response), all form differently and have different ways they fit into the diagnostic criteria for these disorders.

im going to answer your question in a long format below^^

• for context: we are bodily 22, and we've been receiving psych care since we were around 11/12. our therapeutic progress has always been stagnant because after we left the situation we were in, we had almost completely blocked out everything that happened. so we had nothing to tell our therapists and we didn't feel comfortable talking with them. we were often dissociated and would just answer questions shortly while staring at the ground instead of engaging.

because of our lack of progress/seeming lack of effort, our mom stopped taking us to therapy and psychiatrist appointments. she thought it was a waste of time and probably saw our mental illness as misbehaving/not caring enough to try to be happy. this kept us from having proper psych care for years. we would occasionally get called to the counselor's office in school and at some point we had to start missing school for therapy again. college had us losing that support and flunking out because of the dissociation/suicidality. we only finally got access to meds after i had to go outpatient, and we've been with our therapist since.

• how we didn’t notice: due to this we had no knowledge that our experiences weren't normal. our mental health has been neglected for years and we had no way of knowing what was happening with us because we had no basis as to understand. we have a gap in our memory from a little after we left our situation to early high school. our friend always says we knew each other in middle school and talked, but we don't remember enough of those years. amnesia can show up in a lot of different ways. we've only experienced two noticeable black outs, the rest is gradual. not remembering things soon after they happened, being told we said things we didn't remember saying, being unable to describe important events in our lives, vaguely knowing what happened but not remembering the experience.

• on forming: When I (Prompto) formed, we had just flunked out of college and were forced to start working. Me and my fiancé were just starting our relationship and were playing my source. My source was a fat child who experienced bullying and parental neglect, being left alone and friendless for years, feeling like he has to change his weight to be liked. We really couldn't handle having a job. we were clinging and desperately coping by consuming my source. Eventually I started feeling like I was confusing things that happened in game with things that happened to me, and my real life memories from years, or even just months before didn't feel familiar. This was frightening, I would cry to Noctis about how I was feeling, how I couldn't remember anything before our road trip (event in source). But we didn't have any resources to explain, I thought I was being weird and childish.

Because of the stress of this job we had, I would spend most of our time in a heightened state, anxious or dreading the next days. Jack (who formed in our childhood to take care of us and our little brother when we’d be left alone) started resurfacing again after being gone for years. Our brain was trying to protect us, but I didn’t understand why I suddenly felt different. Sometimes it felt like I would just leave. I started being told that I was saying things I didn’t agree with again. Jack felt miserable trying to force himself to be me. This conflict and pain was the reason we ended up outpatient, and a few months after came to terms with the fact that we were a system.

• on what it’s like to not be the host: for us we don’t really refer to ourselves as “someone’s” alters since we don’t really have a collective identity (discounting the body we act like). I’ve been making an effort to accommodate everyone, and make sure we get the time we want in the body or just have things that are our own. (Making space for their things/interests. Setting times for specific people to have a chance to front)

This is Nathan’s perspective since he’s been fronting more often lately:

- I actually used to hate being an alter. i felt frustrated that I got torn away from my shitty life to just be part of someone else’s. I didn’t want to exist in the system at all. our body isn’t mine. im skinny and im covered in healing SH scars, and im not hairy and i have short hair, im cis. i used to hate fronting. I would actively wish i could just disappear. it didn’t seem like me being around was helping anyone. dissociation sucked and I would pick fights with our fiancé. im pretty much the only one of us who gets full flashbacks, and i fucking hate looking at stuff for my source online because everyone hates me. or ignores the story to justify hating me instead of just. hating me for what’s actually in source.

we talked with our therapist and eventually i started coming to therapy and she treated me like my own person. she made sure to create a distinction between my feelings about something and Prompto’s. she told me to create a thing i could do instead of be angry which is why i would usually front. Prompto put a lot of effort into making me feel comfortable. it’s like pri could tell how sensitive I actually am. pri designated a corner of our apartment to me and got me decorations pri thought i would like. i got to make my own instagram. It felt good to be myself. when i wasnt forcing myself to be prompto i felt more content. the more i could express myself as a person the easier it was to communicate with the system, i struggled less with memory and i think were less dissociated now than ever because prompto made such an effort to acknoledge us as our own selves.

sorry for the long answer but you asked so not sorry I guess lol. prompto probably had a better closing statement but I don’t really give a fuck. thx for the question

[tiredbonbon]

Despondent

Yan! Albert Wesker x reader oneshot ~

A.N: I finally got motivation to write something again 😭 Resident evil has consumed my life in and out help. This was pretty much a no brainer to write so do excuse me if its not that good yet.

Summary: You made a foolish attempt to get away from him, and now your gonna endure the walk of shame back.

Warnings!: implied Kidnapping, mention of needles/medical equipment, obsessive behaviour, hurt/little to no comfort, implied manipulation, major yandere themes

“You know, this was an imbecilic plan to begin with.”

“I know.”

“And after all I do for you, it’s a bratty gesture.”

“Im sorry.”

“…” He didn’t respond to your silent apologies, still walking onwards, his heavy combat boots tapping loudly against the floor. He was meanwhile carrying you like it was nothing, and for him it probably wasn’t. His arms rested under your thighs, holding your body against his as your arms lazily hung over his shoulders and your head rested on his shoulder, your whole body language displaying defeat, because thats what you were, defeated.

The worst thing was that he wasn’t even wrong, maybe it was imbecilic to plan this out for weeks, only to miserably fail and be carried back like a toddler after throwing a tantrum.

Its been maybe 2… 3 months since this situation had began, and if you didn’t know the experience of a living nightmare, then you did now.

Chains, Belt Straps, Needles, Pills. Those were all images that flashed through your mind when you tried to remember how the time had been so far. The first month was scarce of any memories, you were a fighter most your life, so initially you were fighting him too, tooth and nail, at first he found it cute, but it didn’t take long for him to start pricking and feeding you with fast acting and heavy sedatives. The injections and pills in turn hazed your memory to an extreme, along with lots of other side effects.

The weeks after that were monotone, which was why none of them stayed in your memory much either, he’d monitor your health and gave you vitamin supplements for the lack of sunlight, you initially refused to take them, but after a while, he beat you to it too.

You really thought this could have been it, that you had outsmarted him and found a safe way to get out of there, to get your life back, but no. The faked submission so he’d put his guard down, the extreme weight loss to fit through the tight spaces in means to get out, even the combat your practiced when you were alone, it was for nothing.

Because this was Albert Wesker.

And now you were here, laying pathetically in his arms as he carried you back to the inevitable, a walk of shame. You didn’t want to fight him, no, god no, he’d break you in all senses of the word, no matter how much measly combat you practiced, his reflexes, speed and brute strength would make quick work of it, overpowering you would be easier than squashing a fly.

“I do admire your determination though, my love.”

“…” Your eyes narrowed, because you knew in his eyes determined was just another word for reckless.

“You’ve grown awfully quiet, you know?”

Tears pricked the sides of your eyes.

“I hate you.”

… he chuckled

“I know.”

[safe-from-sharp-teeth]

Ayo! I haven't answered asks in FOREVER, so it's time for some spring cleaning :) Also answering other stuff, like what I've been up to.

If you sent an ask and it's not here, sorry! I may have deleted it because the prompt required too much work of me and I wasn't feeling it, or I was uncomfortable.

Let's gooooo !

Firstly - where have I been? Work REALLY picked up in a way I wasn't expecting over the last...4 months? I was working double and often triple the hours I was used to. With work, vacations, random illnesses, and many video games I got a bit too obsessed with, this blog took a backseat. Plus, sometimes I get disinterested in vore when obsessed with something else. Sometimes, that lasts months, and it did this time.

But now I can confirm that work will FINALLY chill for a long period of time. I'm free! And more motivated than ever! Wahoo! Thanks for your support ALWAYS.

Next big question - when am I going to do more of my story? The one with Asyr? AHHHHHGHHGHH this story has consumed my life. I think about it daily. I dream about it. And yet I'm not as comfortable writing as I am drawing, so writing is a slow process that my perfectionist ass struggles with. I can assure you that there is a story in the works - and I am working on it at a snail's pace.

Okay, ask time...

@ponyluvesonic09 AYO maybe I'll make a full ghost pred pros/con list for you, because that sounds awesome! Kir//by is one of the silliest canon preds out there. Honestly getting eaten by him would be like getting vored by a vacuum, LOL. Galaxy tummy!! Imagine a prey floating around in one of those item bubbles all grumpy. Thank u for the ask, this is good stuff.

no. ( /・・)ノ

UWAGHHHHH I LIKE HER!!! Never played O/verwat/ch but what a gem!! I have a random fondness for centaur-like preds nowadays. She looks so cozy. THANK U I LOVE HER!!!

@tiger9o0 I have not played r//ain w//orld or know what it's about, LOL. Looks like a platformer? Man, I'm terrrriiiiibblleee at those. But whoever this is on the cover, I LIKE EM. A+. (That might not answer ur question shdjbghkjg SORRY)

@heimkoheimkofan LOVE THAT I GOT THE ROBOT ENJOYERS AFTER THAT ONE POST....YES yall are so right and I'm so wrong for just hard metal robot tums. I will rectify my mistake soon I PROMISE. Also oh! You were the one asking about stomachs other than elemental ones! IVE HAD THAT IN MY DRAFTS FOREVER IM SORRY AHHHH. I REALLY love your imagination with tums and you've inspired me to think of some awesome environments! THANKS

@fastfur07 BWAH?? Ugh I'm all over the place when it comes to art. Some pieces take 30 min (like the zangooc I drew at the top of this post), most take 2 days. Some really hard drawings like my wolf bat creechur from a few months ago and my shrimp from last year took a month. THANK U??

We're going back so far that I think this is about my naga oc (which I'm in the midst of redesigning cough cough). For him, he would never tolerate being prey, extremely unwilling bahaha. In general, I haven't thought much about naga or snake prey! I get the appeal of slurping up a noodle, but I just prefer human prey :)

@fastfur07 you fiend, you always give me the best drawing ideas. UNFORTUNATELY, I didn't have time to draw something for this one. BUTTTT....

(i've had this next one in my drafts for forever)

then i had a silly comic. I'll post the wip here because I won't finish it, so enjoy bahaha.

@blizzaria123-blog THANK U im rapidly melting into a puddle from ur words

@mrpotatomanversionsix relevant. i will continue drawing them 4 u

?!??!!??!?!??!?!?!??!?!? how dare u enter my ask box with this blasphemy

@sfwsillynoms WAH!!! you!!! I'm currently redesigning my naga oc but when I finish I'll tag you, if you're still around! And he can 100% be drawn with ur preysona :)

@mystorl i am SO late to this, but SMART. I like it. I shall give my lil guy this friend. I just want to let u know that I see this and it's wonderful and I will do something abt it.

I remember this ask made me laugh a ton when I first got it. thank u. idk why I find this so funny

@sillylilprey IM CRYING RIGHT BACK AHHHH this is an ancient ask, but thank u! hope you're still enjoying!

@terrytheinsane finally, the last ask in my askbox. I love it. You have been wronged with how long it took me to answer you. I have gained knowledge from your ask. THANKS

AND THAT'S IT!! Thanks guys, I hope to make you proud! Feel free to send more asks, and hopefully I will answer in a TIMELY manner.

Goodnight! And remember: Nice Vore ᕕ༼⌐■-■༽ᕗ

[askew-d]

Hello...Have you watched Haikyuu movies? It's great....And we got lots of Kuroken moments and "that"one Kagehina moment.... So, as Kagehina shipper, have you ever ship Hinata or Kageyama with other character? For me, I have read Kageyama with Oikawa fic (I enjoy it but not really into that ship, all the time thinking of Iwaoi) and Hinata with Atsumu fic (one of my friend love that ship, wrote a fic and asked me to read them). And as much as they're all good, my otp will always be Kagehina. Like they were made for each other and it has to be them...

Do you also have other ships that you love from MDZS and TGCF? Sorry, if you asked me this, I have at least 8 ships in total from those two series, all of them are non canon (Xuexiao, Xiyao, Zhuiling, Beafleaf, Fengqing, Quanyin, Peihuang, Xuyue)....

Sorry for this random and long ask, hope you don't mind....

hello, anon!! sorry i am late for this, hope you understand. life has been crazy, haha. anyway, let us go: i did watch the haikyuu films and recently in was at the cinema with a friend watching the dumpster battle, let me tell you i was OVERJOYED!!! heavens, i could not control my anxiety. though my friend also likes the anime, she isnt as obsessed as me and didnt even finish the last season when we talked about watching the brand new release, so i had the OUTSTANDING experience of rewatching it with her so we could buy the tickets after!! i lost count of how many times i watched it and how many times i made other friends try it out (at some point, i recommended it to even one of my students during a totally unrelated discourse, hahahaha, hope he shares his opinions once this winter break finishes).

since i watched haikyuu about... five years ago? i must have rewatched some seasons more than ten times. its my comfort show! love every film also. about the ships, kagehina is my endgame, but i definitely love kuroken, iwaoi, bokuaka and sakuatsu (though i consume kagehina content much more). of course every ship is valid, i cannot judge anyone, however, i personally cant see hinata or kageyama with anyone else and do not read stories too focused on other relationships :) i can comprehend why fans see something with oikawa and kageyama, or even oikawa and hinata (considering their interaction in rio), but i do not settle with it in my heart. its just profiles and options, anyway! dont mind, dont mind.

i agree with you. for me, they are soulmates through and through. perfect for each other. one is the promise, the other is the anchor. they might be one of the couples i have seen anywhere that matches each other's vibe the best.

about mxtxt works, my favorite side ships are moshang and beefleaf. i can see the appeals in each one you mentioned, but i just never quite got interested to the point of reading about it, sorry!! some of them maybe its because they did not have a finale extra shot, or at least they were not as spoken/seen together as they were individually. for fengqing, though i like them as a side couple in hualian fanfics, i never quite got engaged in their story together, many times they just annoyed me (god, im scared of saying that and people coming at me, but there you go). but i know they have their values and some interactions i could almost forget my light, petty resentment for their actions and laugh along. beefleaf though? mobei-jun and his creator shang qinghua? heavens, i wanted to see more of them.

so, this is it! do not worry about asking whatever and whenever you want to ask. i love coming here to answer them when i have the time. thank you!! hope you can spot a nice sunset and take a relaxing shower today.

[princeanxious]

Hi! I was wondering about your Lost Guardian au from ages ago, do you think you’ll ever plan on updating it and if not, could someone else take up the fic?

So heres the thing. If someone wants to write a fic *inspired* by The Lost Guardian, i’m not gonna stop them, and i’d probably feel super honored so long as the inspiration was correctly credited!

As for ‘taking up the fic,’ the short answer is no.

I have active drafts and the rest of the story already planned out to its finish, notes, even a branch-off fic set post-story that will likely go up on my nsfw blog if i ever get around to editing it. The Lost Guardian hasn’t been abandoned, it’s simply on hiatus. (And yes, i recognize 3 almost 4 years so far is a really fucking long hiatus. The Chapter 9 draft doc was made in december of 2020, and last edited in July 2022)

I started writing that fic whilst still in highschool, a time where I was 17 and didnt have to worry yet about getting my license or maintaining a part time job, i had an over abundance of freetime even partially to my detriment, the fandom was booming and I had plenty of feedback, and this fic was (and still *is*) a story im proud of.

But i’m 22 now, working a full time job to pay rent and account for a number of minor ‘disabilities’(best word i have for them atm) that I cant ignore or push to the side nor treat poorly, from the lasting effects on my body of stunted growth to celiac/glutent intolerance to adhere to that directly determines how easily my body functions for the week, to dealing with glasses i cannot afford to break and taking care of teeth i cannot afford to fix, taking care of my mental health and using the free time i have to do what brings me the most joy at that time.

The sanders sides fandom has heavily quieted down with the season finale hiatus and I’d like to think I did pretty well for going six long years dedicated solely to that without cracking under the silence, because *I knew* when I caved to something else it’d be a long while before I had the drive to come back with any sort of resolution to my active works. Thats just how my hyper fixations work. I cannot focus on multiple at once, it’s too much to process simultaneously and takes away my enjoyment bc I tend to watch/consume things repeatedly to catch every little detail i missed. And it doesn’t help when one loses steam because their content barely breaks 100 notes(80% of which are likes, 15% are reblogs with the occasional comment, and 5% are self-reblogs) when back in the height of it all, a few thousand notes was pretty average interaction. This blog still has about 11.5k followers, almost all of which came from the height of the fandom period. So for now i’ve moved onto the FNAF DCA fandom, bc it is fresh and new to me.

I know you didn’t mean to poke the bear here, I get it, but like.. C’mon. Any other fic of mine likely wouldn’t have gotten the same reaction in full but, still. I’ve had to answer this question a handful of times over the years at the point, which might be why this response feels so charged, and i’m sorry.

I don’t mean to come off as snippy or rude, but it *is* kind of invasive to offer to finish one’s creative work when it’s taking too long and theres very little payback for it. I’ve got adhd, delayed satisfaction isn’t a thing I experience. Just guilt that it wasn’t finished in a way for me to post it in time before I broke and lost all motivation to share it.

In my head, TLG has been long finished and held the ending for years, theres just been no energy to put in the effort of finish writing it for others to read. I’m still trying to get my life together to change that, don’t get me wrong, but the American economy is literally in shambles so who knows how or even if i’ll manage that. Call me selfish for being content with only mentally having my creative story’s ending and a collection of rambles and notes to show for it, but at the end of the day, it’s still my story, and i dont feel comfortable with people trying to ‘take up the mantle’ to finish it, when they don’t know how it ends.

I’m glad you like it enough to want to, though, I really *really* am. I’m just sorry I haven’t been able to finish it for you all. And i just don’t know when that will be, I just know that I *want* to do so, however long it takes.

[uriekukistan]

how do you … hhow do yiu start writjng. like how do you. opening paragraph…. how do you begin..

sksjdj sorry this took so long, i genuinely rewrote my answer 3-4 times 💀 took me a few hours to figure out how i wanted to answer this tbh bc usually i don't even know what im doing either

also im by no means a perfect writer, i’m still working to improve with every fic, so pls take this w a grain of salt, everyone writes their own way as well…hopefully this isnt too long or annoying or preachy or anything.

i always have an outline of my fic ready before i start writing, regardless of if it's super vague or highly detailed, i also try to think about what the character(s) want from the situation(s) and potential ways that could create conflict (not in an angsty way per se but in a plot moving way). knowing this is super helpful for deciding where to start because different types of openings are good for different stories.

ideas i use a lot!

-> character intro! this is my most commonly used way to start a new story. i like to make sure my MC is in the first sentence so the reader knows who the story is going to focus on. this does have a potential to go wrong, bc essentially, there's the good way and then there's my immortal 💀

when i say to use a character intro, i mean like their mindset/beliefs as they pertain to the plot, main conflict they're facing, or how they're feeling at that moment, rather than "basic info"

ex: megumi fushiguro is 15, has black hair and green eyes, and he's a jujutsu sorcerer and is in his first year at jujutsu tech. in his free time, he reads. he loves animals. he was abandoned by his parents at a young age, so he's wary of others <- boring, bland, sparks 0 interest

VS: Megumi was never a fan of love. Not in books, not in TV shows, not in movies, and certainly not in real life. He hadn’t so much as considered having romantic feelings for someone in fifteen years of living, and he wasn’t about to start now. Definitely not now. Not after what had happened. <- interesting, gives insight into how megumi thinks (and how strongly), sparks interest bc what happened??

hsiao doesn't want to date a coworker because she has a dangerous job, but has a crush on saiko. urie can't express his feelings because he's spent ages bottling them up, and now he needs to grieve someone he didn't realize he cared for until it's too late. establishing these things is really important, and should be done eventually either way.

i think this method works best for stories focusing on a conflict that's more internal because it sets up the characters psyche, but can still be used for external conflict effectively!

-> dialogue: another one that can be tricky, and gets a bad wrap sometimes, but it can very much be used well. it's good to use if the story is focusing on interpersonal conflict, especially if it involves a lot of arguing. usually, i throw the reader into a high tension, fast moving scene with dialogue, sometimes one with a confrontational start, sometimes in the middle of an already brewing interaction.

-> strong feelings: this works best with negative feelings, so i use it mostly for reeeeaaaallly angsty fics. physical pain, extreme sadness or guilt, grief, rage, or high stress work really well for this, because they're feelings that tend to consume everything else. you gotta be ready to dedicate a few paragraphs to really good descriptions that make readers feel. it's a bit intimidating to write and has the potential to overwhelm readers as well, so i tend to reserve it for fics that i intend to be really heavy and upsetting, no happy ending/comfort type fics

-> straight into action: gonna be honest, i try to avoid this one as much as possible unless it's in a multi-chapter fic where the characters/conflict have been firmly established. used outside of this, i think it works best with actions that are literal beginnings, or it feels like part of the story is missing. things like waking up, opening a door (staring at a blank page trying to write..........)

lil tips ig

★ shorter sentences: my usual writing style has a lot of lengthy sentences, but when it's the first thing a reader sees, it slows down the pace immediately. of course, there's a place for long sentences as well, but the average reader is going to go for something that grabs their attention quickly.

★ u don't have to start from the beginning!! honestly i get this from writing academic essays, but sometimes it's easier to write the beginning after you wrote the rest because even if u think u know where ur going, it can change as u write it. tbh once i wrote fic almost entirely backwards 💀

slfkjgnkjnsfglk i hope this was at least somewhat helpful, honestly i wasn't sure what to say, but i'm really excited to see ur fic!!! ik u have a lot of things planned, so i'm sure once you get the first words out there, the rest will start flowing !!!

[tommyssupercoolblog]

IM SORRY THIS ISNT MEANT TO BE AGGRESSIVE i have not been on this part of the internet in a long time so things might have changed but.... last i heard the proship label encompassed things (in fiction) like inc/st, abusive relationships, p/do shit, etc... is that still correct? idk if thats what you were talking about in your tags because i do not know Anything about minecraft youtubers but usually when people put proship in their dni theyre denouncing that stuff. just wanted to clarify im understanding your complaints, no harm intended!

No problem!! it can be confusing lol, nothing wrong with being unsure. All-in-all, you're kinda close with that idea, but still not on target. explanations of proship vs anti, the d/mp fandom's take on it, and my thoughts on it all under the cut:

So proship as a philosophy is about wether or not things like that (in fiction) translate to real life, which is why it's connected to censorship like i mentioned in the post- if you believe that watching or reading something problematic will make more problematic things happen, that someone reading a book with a child/adult relationship makes them more likely to (or is on it's own already the same as) a person pursuing that in real life, that makes you an anti; and it also gives you a big reason to push for works like that being taken down or removed, and for people who make or read that stuff to be put in real prisons or face other real life consequences for fictional acts- because the idea is that, to an anti, these things bleed into each other.

being proship isn't equivalent to enjoying dark fiction like that, but it IS equivalent to believing that, similar to fictional violence, fictional crimes or acts of any kind can be created and consumed by artists and audiences without people actually condoning it IRL. a proshipper would say that if someone plays a video game where they murder someone, and then does it IRL, thats on the PERSON, not the media- and they hold the same position for fictional portrayals of incest, abusive relationships, and pedophilic relationships. the name comes from being pro- as in for- ships, and other content, as a whole; without it having to meet IRL moral criteria.

dark fiction freaks me out personally; the biggest ick (and actually a trigger for me) being incest; It bothers me and i stay away from it. but I don't think that people who read or make it are going to condone it IRL directly because of that media, and I believe that if they WERE to do something bad like abusing someone, it'd be an unrelated/seperate issue: an independent choice that only they are responsible for, not anything they made or watched or read.

That makes me fall under proship, even though I don't like any problematic (as in incest, abuse, adult/minor) ships. Personally, I literally follow people who like things that bother me in that way: i just block the tags so when they post something i really don't wanna see, tumblr tells me, hey, this post has this thing in it so we've spoilered it. If someone likes shipping their silly little blorbos and those silly little blorbos are kinda fucked up in a way that makes their brain go brrr, that's totally chill with me as long as they aren't hurting anyone- which, because i don't think fiction equates to reality, I believe they aren't when they're playing with their blorbos. (and since i'm pro-rpf, it's worth mentioning i feel the same about that. rpf is still FICTION, at the end of the day. you don't actually expect those people to do the things you write or draw. it's still removed from reality. that's personal preference though, many proshippers would disagree.)

So basically proship or Anti is a label that represents your philosophy on how human thoughts and behavior link to fiction. anti means you believe that consuming something fictional is equivalent to doing it in real life, or at least will make you do it IRL later, while proship means you believe that consuming something fictional is unrelated to doing it IRL, and you can enjoy something fictionally without actually enjoying it or condoning it when it's real people.

you will, of course, see more people who enjoy dark fiction under proship, and that's because they themselves consume it- so of course they're going to say it's not the same as doing it IRL. You will also, of course, see more people who don't like dark fiction at all under anti, because when you're disgusted by something like that then that reaction can be taken as "evidence" that it's morally bad. (personally, disgust-based morality doesn't hold up as a concept for me- it's a big reason why bigots believe the things they do, so using the same logic path makes me uncomfortable, but it is still common for people to use it as a way to measure wether something is okay or not.)

so, the part about silly block game.

there's lots of censoring in this part to avoid harassment, so bear with me.

In the early days of the d/mp, people decided that creating romantic content around the b-nchtr-o (Tmmy, tvbb0, and rnb00, who were all around 16 at the time) was inherently problematic. I'm not sure why, exactly, but the idea became that a fan crushing on one of them (at the exact same age!!!) or shipping them with each other, even as characters, was equivalent to being a real life child predator. again, even if the person doing it was ALSO a minor.

because it was seen as inherently problematic, behaviors like those were lumped in with other things problematic- shipping characters on the smp who had fought or killed each other, shipping characters who were related or were minor/adult, etc. there was no distinction; i was there!! it was all problematic, and all of it was seen as evidence that you were a real life predator of some kind regardless of age or disclaimers put under your content.

the label that developed for this group of "problematic content" enjoyers within the fandom became "poppytwt" or "ppytwt". (twt being there because it was mainly localized around twitter). as i explained above, because it could be because of dark fiction OR be//htr/o content, poppytwt content and ships doesn't even require it being dark fiction necessarily, nor does it require it being b//chtr/o; just one or the other, although usually the assumption is that it's both, since that combines the two reasons for being under that label. some people also call any proshippers in the fandom poppy even if they don't engage in anything problematic in-fandom, but that's generally the antis and not people themselves. if someone self describes as poppy, it's for the two main reasons above.

Additionally, the d/mp fandom has this concept of "maintagging". what this means is that if you make problematic content, you are NOT ALLOWED to tag it under the fandoms or characters it's about, because people don't want to see it in their results. ao3 has a tag filtering feature for this exact purpose, but people generally disregaurd that; you're still not supposed to tag it on the "main" tags, and doing so is seen almost like "asking for" harassment, like how some people talk about wearing crop tops alone at night.

Tntd/o managed to cross over, actually, from poppy to main/normalized in the fandom as the creators leaned into it with their characters. but for awhile even that was considered poppy.

different members of ppytwt have different opinions on RPF, but RPF was also considered poppy on it's own sometimes depending on who you were talking to and how militant they were on what got a pass and what didn't.

as be/chtr/o aged....it didn't stop?? all of them hit 18, but still, to this day, you can be cancelled for shipping them with each other or ANYONE else. it's why i'm so damn scared of the d/mp fandom, if i tagged a fic about my source with his character tag, with ANYTHING other than platonic relationships for him/me, I run the risk of being sent threats or doxxed- don't get me wrong, many antis keep to themselves, but there are also those who try to play vigilante- remember, if something fictional is equivalent to IRL, then attacking someone for enjoying a "bad" fictional thing becomes a charitable, heroic act; so sometimes antis might pursue proshippers with the goal of keeping people "safe". Many people in related fandoms or under the same creators also adopted the same ideals handed down from the d/mp fandom, so i'm wary of people who just watch my source too, or of people who like the q/mp.

people joke about the old fandom going crazy if they say tvbb0 and tmmy today, and that's because they would. they'd be furious at tmmy for doing this bit and putting himself in danger, they'd be cancelling anyone who ran with the bit in chat or had a photo of them hugging or kissing like in the music video as a profile picture, it'd be a whole mess. even today though it's still...scary.

((paused there to take a strawberry milk break, im back now))

the somewhat exception to this rule is Rnb00- people literally thirst for them and make nsfw comments openly, so while im not sure about the shipping aspect, i do know simping is widely okay- you couldn't even say you wanted to kiss them before, but now people are saying wayyy more than that...

inversely, i feel like my source has it the worst, because people won't even talk about him- or anything related to him- as an adult. it's always child this and child that, "who let him drink" and "get the alcohol away from the baby!", and of couse "don't ship him or his character with anyone that makes you a pedophile!!!" while the grown ass man they're talking about outright says he's alright with sfw fanfiction in a video where he reacts to someone's x-reader and then makes flirty nsfw jokes with every other adult man in the vicinity. every fanfic is platonic and almost all of them both irl and in game write him as sixteen. they take place in the past or, more commonly, they just straight up age him down. hell, sometimes they even age him down to like eight. even in fics where he IS an adult, he gets called a child or a teenager but never an adult.

poppytwt, like the stigma against writing for the creators or their characters, lives on. and even outside of benchtrio, again, ships between other characters that are problematic are poppytwt, so that also is still clinging on for dear life in some corners of the web. most poppytwt posts that are tagged as such usually include b//chtr/o, but not all of them; and it's worth noting many creators avoid tagging at all even if it's just the poppytwt tag, because they don't want to get swarmed.

because I ship myself with my husband of course, and also make fictional content with our sources as an extension of that (think dungeons and dragons but the character is just you...or, actually, SMPs are a great example of this since the appearance/name is generally the same, so think like an SMP!!!!!) I am poppytwt. I will always be poppytwt to most people who don't like poppytwt. and I have friends who are poppytwt and I like art made by people under poppytwt. I don't need to ship incest to be a part of that, i just need to not think the people who do aren't doing anything harmful when they ship that, and to write/draw....well, anything about septicinnit, which i do all the time.

if someone has poppytwt dni in their bio, i can't interact. if someone has proship dni in their bio, i can't interact. it doesn't matter if what they really mean is "people who like abusive ships because that triggers me", I still can't interact.

Because i think we SHOULD be tagging our content exactly so that we can filter it and find what we personally enjoy (and avoid what we dont), the concept of a DNI is technically something i'm kinda for- it is a way of monitoring and controlling your experience- but it also can be used as an excuse to harass people who forgot to read it, and i have no way of knowing if that's the case in advance.

ADITTIONALLY, because I know and care about people who consume dark fiction, I also don't want to be around people who think that makes them a bad person, regaurdless of wether or not they think i can stay. and "proship dni" is about proship, that fiction isn't reality philosophy- they are saying right out of the gate that they think it DOES make them a bad person. and I don't agree with that. it frustrates me and it makes me upset. those DNIs are based in a place of disgust and hatred for the people I care about, because of content that isn't real, and i'm never going to feel super okay with that...

there's people who don't understand what it means and use it anyway when it's really just about the content; but again, how am i supposed to know which is which?? ESPECIALLY on twitter, the anti philosophy is extremely popular and relevant and yes, trendy. people believe it, HARD, and so i can't assume they don't when they say they do. I've met real flesh and blood people in person who think that way, so if you are using these words, i'm assuming you know what they mean- that way I don't run the risk of making an actual anti upset and violating their boundaries.

you don't have to agree with me on this- if you're anti, then that's your worldview and i'm not going to change that. but that's what those words mean, the history of the block game side of things, and how they're correlated to censorship.

To Summarize:

Anti : Fiction Equals Reality so Fictional Crimes are Real Crimes (ergo we should censor them to stop the crimes)

Proship: Fiction does NOT Equal Reality so Fictional Crimes are Harmless (on their own)

Anti-Anti: Not sure if Fictional Crimes are Harmless, but Don't Like that Antis think Proshippers are The Exact Same Level as IRL Criminals

Poppytwt/ppytwt: Problematic silly block game stuff, OR things that have to do with these three specific block people being hot/dating someone. Sometimes both.

[spiceywawa]

Kitty♡

HybridAU~ Prev <- Current -> Next

Hi, sorry it's been a while. I'm mentally ill, and consistency is not my biggest strength I so sorry. Life sucks ass and I've been consuming writing then doing the writing to help keep my sanity🥲 this one's gonna be domestic comfort lil drabbles idk where im going with this if its gonna be an actual series or just blurbs🙃

Part:3

These past few months have been uneventful and calm. Getting used to sharing space is going smoothly. John was worried it would take longer, but you have taken a liking quickly to the boys and himself.

You've been welcomed into the pack with open arms.

Even though you pretend to be annoyed, considering how close you have gotten to the pack in such a short amount of time says otherwise. John hit it right on the nose, assuming being abandoned by your previous owners makes you a bit guarded despite your obvious affectionate nature peeking through.

He's found you all cuddled in a pile together taking naps in their shared beds, on the couch, and in the huge hammock he made for all of you.

John often leaves everyone to their own devices, letting the boy experience freedom and independence. They make up their own work days around the farm to look after the animals and keep other predators away.

Often, on their breaks, they come inside to eat and spend time with you. They refuse to let you do almost any work and get to the root of the issue with the small vermin, taking care of it easily, leaving you with nothing to do.

They did let you walk the property lines on lookout while they helped build the new fences and let you hang around while they work on days with nice weather. But other than that, they make sure you're safe and comfortable inside.

Simon doesn't allow room for argument, and the other boys often agree. He often tells you pretty kitties stay inside to nap in the sun, play with their toys, and get treats and pets all day.

You look to John with a pinched expression, and he raises his hands in defeat. He's convinced the boys to let you join them, reminding them you need your exercise too. They begrudgingly agree, but make sure to check in on you constantly.

They often stick you in the barn with the new babies that were born not too long ago in the spring.

Your favorite is the baby donkey john was given after it was rejected by its mother.

You wouldn't take no for an answer from simon, and he couldn't argue considering you were smitten with the thing as soon as john showed you her.

She was so tiny and barely had her first steps yet. You took upon yourself to bottle feed her and stayed in the barn for the first few weeks watching over her.

You named the sweet girl Daisy, and it took a few weeks for the pack to pry you out of the barn to bathe and eat a proper meal.

You didn't want to leave her alone and risk anything happening to her. You finally begrudgingly agreed to leave when gaz and johnny promised they would look after Daisy for you as simon picked you up to take you inside.

Simon is the leader of this little pack and has basically claimed you as his own, and everyone seems to respect it without questions letting him take the reins, especially when it comes to you.

Simon took you inside, going up to their room, running you a bath in the big tub they barely use. (Except for Epsom salt baths for their sore muscles you force them to do.)

You are so tired an sore from sleeping on the barn floor to be much of help, not that simon minds. He sets up your bath helping you out of your clothes.

He stays on the floor beside the tub watching you sink into the warm water helping you relax into the warm water and suds.

He washes you up taking great care with your ears and tails. Massaging your sore spots and knots out of your muscles.

You purr leaning your head onto simons shoulder. He nuzzles into your damp hair taking in your scent reciprocating your purrs with a deep rumble of his own.

He does a second wash and rinse to make sure you're all clean. He helps dry you off, being gentle, not to tug and pull too hard while ringing the water from your fur.

He takes care in moisturizing your skin and helping you get on one of his shirts and a pair of your fluffy pajama pants. He dries your hair and puts you into his bed to sleep while john makes dinner.

The boys have their own rooms now and you often spend more time in their rooms than your own at this point.

You almost fall asleep until you hear johnny and gaz make their way onto this side of the house.

You jump up ready to ask why they aren't with daisy until you see gaz with a bundled blanket.

Johnny pipes up first. "Aye before you rip our heads of she in ere." He says pointing to the bundle gaz is holding.

You walk over and see daisy's lil face peaking out. She huffs at you content with her current arrangement.

"How are you carrying her right now she's gotten so big." You ask seeing half of her peeking out. "She's in a blanket in my pouch!" Gaz says proudly smiling wide.

You recognize the sling gaz made to move the baby goats specifically the smallest one who wouldn't let gaz get anything done unless he carried him around.

"She's already too big for miles sling, but john set up a temporary pen for her so you would stay inside." He says nodding to your room on the other end of the hall.

You follow gaz and see a huge pen in the corner of your room by the window. Gaz sets hmdaisy down gently unwrapping her from her bundle. "See, comfy!" Johnny exclaims as daisy settles down to sleep. "We just fed her so she's tired as you can see." Gaz says petting her.

You relax seeing her all set up in your room. You give her some pets before you wander back to simons room.

"Oi, why are you out of bed." You hear as you slowly wander out of you room. You turn and see simon his ear twitching in slight irritation.

You being too tired to speak point into the direction of your room where gaz and Johnny's voice can be heard.

He hums in acknowledgment and scoops you up. "Back to bed, they got her now, yea." He says, taking you back to his bed.

For good measure to get you to sleep, he lays with you on his chest and a light blanket on top. You fall asleep not too long after as simon holds you close.

Gaz and johnny join shortly after curling up on each side of simon while john checks on daisy for you.

[alaskan-wallflower]

i’m sorry i keep venting but i swear this is my lowest. and i don’t really have any other way to filter it out because it’s like it’s consuming me and i can’t get it out of my head and i don’t wanna relapse again so. tw for self harm, sa mentions and suicide (i’m not gonna do anything but things will be mentioned.

today has been absolute hell. i don’t know why but the ask from this morning has me all jumpy or whatever. i just feel sick. i dunno. i guess i deserve it. i deserve to feel this way. i deserve what happened to me because i hurt people. i don’t like to say i was assaulted because i was young when it happened (8-12y/o or so) and it just kinda feels like i don’t have a right to say that because it wasn’t that much. like my grandpa used to slap me on the ass. he touched my chest area once or twice but that was it. but he did that to a lot of people. and i dunno. i feel like i can’t call it assault because it wasn’t. he didn’t know what he was doing because he had alzheimer’s and was demented. i dunno. i wish he was nicer. he used to scream at me and my brothers a lot. he made us cry and hide a lot too. he wasn’t very nice. but he’s still family and i have to love him. and i thought i was over it but the stupid ask from this morning just had me like…i dunno. feeling weird.

i suppose i deserved it. if i told my family they would tell me im being a dramatic attention seeker. so i guess that’s what im being. but i dunno. i hate complaining about this stuff because it doesn’t do anything. but still. and the shit about my brother doesn’t bother me as much. he was probably joking around or whatever when he was touching my clothes. it’s blurry now. but it’s whatever. i deserve this all. i deserve it. and i keep telling myself that.

i relapsed last night. for the first time in about nine months. i had one of the worst mental breakdowns of my life. i was just stuck on the bathroom floor crying while i relapsed. it wasn’t that bad. i shouldn’t count it as s/h. it never broke skin. or well; that much at least. i don’t even know hat happened, i was just thinking for too long and i ended up spiraling. i thought about ending it last night while taking my meds because i was thinking about how easy it would’ve been. i deserve it. but i was thinking like…i dunno. running from this won’t do anything. so i guess i have to face it myself.

every time i hear my mom tell me im a loyal friend, or that im kind, or whatever, all i can think about is how many people i’ve hurt. and it’s just become my life now. i hardly sleep. i either don’t eat or i eat til i feel like throwing up. i feel like there’s no escape and i did this all to myself. i wish i could turn back time. i do. but i cant. i wish that i could tell my past self what a fucking idiot she was. i don’t want to keep fighting this. i wanna be happy. but i feel like i can’t do anything.

everyone says im just doing ‘good’. good in school, in clubs, in whatever. but good isn’t great. and i need to be great. i need to be exceptional. i need to be exemplary. i need to be the best. that’s always where my mind is at. and if i’m not the best, i’m nothing. and i am nothing. i will always be nothing. because i can’t get off my lazy ass to do anything productive so i either drown myself in work or i do nothing but waste time holed up in my room because there’s something wrong with me and i can’t turn it off.

i’m scared. but i deserve to be scared. i deserve all of this and all of what’s to come. i don’t even think it’s because of friend issues either anymore. i just finally woke up and realized how meaningless everything i do is. because i’m not a good friend. i’m not a good sister. i’m not a good partner. i’m not anything. i’m not the best and when i’m not the best, i’m nothing.

[mothgodofchaos]

Can we get a part 3 to the Anti x DA reader series where they meet Dark

Cracks

Abso-fucking-lutely.

Antisepticeye x DA!GN!Reader, TW: gun, knife, panic attacks, murderous intent, screaming, unrealistic injury (shattering), confrontation Words: 1623

It’s been quite a while since Anti initially brought you into the technological realm, slowly helping you regain your strength to exist outside of possessing an object. He found an abandoned office building, allowing you to have space to work on your movement in peace. A computer was never too far away, allowing him to link you back into the internet and give you back your energy. He held your hands as you learned to walk in a body again, even if it’s not yours. You tried to ask him how he knew the possession ritual would work, but he avoided the subject each time it was broached.

Soon enough, you were sparring with him, learning how to wield a knife properly as you went down to the shooting range to practice your gun skills again. You knew you had to train yourself, certainly if you wanted to carry out what you had been planning.

You were going to get your body back. 

Anti was cautious to assist you with your murderous plans, trying to be a supportive boyfriend. Obviously, he hates Dark’s guts for his own reasons. But that made him want to do nothing more than just stabbing the man. Just to be a pain. But he knows that this battle is not his, not his anger. All he could do in the meantime is just get you whatever you need, and hold you as another panic attack wracks through your body. The memories are getting less frequent, your emotions becoming more numb to your past. Your heart still beats out of your chest when looking at a broken mirror, but you’ve been able to work through a fair amount of the trauma. 

Soon, it’s the day you will go out. Go out and hunt your prize.

Using your skills acquired from Anti, you search the internet, looking for any sign of Dark. You know how to look, peering into the deep recesses of the internet, where only people who have something to hide go. Pictures, blog posts, supernatural tracking websites. Anything that may lead you to where he could be. Anti has to pull you away from the search engines every once in a while to get you to eat and sleep, holding you while he takes care of you.

“Mo ghra, I don’t want t’is t’ consume ye. I know yer angry, but I wanna make sure t’is is gonna fix t’ings, not make ‘em worse.”

“I- I have to hope it will. I spent so long being broken and angry. This has to fix everything. He ruined my life! I spent over a century in a broken mirror because of him! He deserves to feel pain.” “Alright. T’ough… if ye stab ‘im t’ kill ‘em, wouldn’t t’at mean t’at when ye get yer body back, ye’ll have a stab wound?”

By his own admittance, he’s not the brightest bulb in the box, but he does have a point. You glance over at your stash of weapons over the lip of your plate, now forced to think about how you want to go about this. So much of the past few months has just been a fever dream, on a one track mindset on the goal you hope to achieve. 

“Fuck…” “I just don’t want ye gettin’ hurt. More t’an ye already have. I care too much…”

Anti’s arms wrap around you a bit tighter, kissing the top of your head. It’s hard not to acknowledge that you’ve been worrying him, he just hasn’t been bringing it up because he doesn’t want to upset you. He’s learned that once you set your mind to something, it’s very difficult to talk you out of it. It was this determination that helped you become a district attorney in the first place. Maybe if you had been less stubborn, you never would have met Damien. He never would have hurt you. Betrayed you. But you also wouldn’t be here today with Anti. 

“I know. And I’m sorry I’ve been worrying you. I just-” “-want t’is t’ be over wit’. I know.” He finishes your apology, one you’ve repeated plenty when you notice his anxieties growing again. This is such a big task that you’re planning, you both know that the anxieties overall will only alleviate once it’s done. A ping goes off at the search engine, alerting the both of you. You scramble up, looking at what popped up. A location. His location. 

“We found him…”

Anti approaches slowly behind you, resting a hand on your shoulder as you both stand in shock.

“Are ye ready fer t’is?”

“I have to be.”

He turns you to look at him, kissing you as a comfort for both of you. You grab your weapons, hiding them on your body as you shake yourself out. Anti just waits for you, holding out his hand before you take it, and glitch to the location. 

You zap out of a wall outlet, taking a moment to grasp your surroundings and regain your footing. Anti squeezes your hand, here for nothing but support but it’s clear he’s getting more nervous by the minute. Then the ringing hits both of your ears, causing Anti to let go of your hand, covering his ears as they’re far more sensitive. You rub his shoulder, looking around for Dark. About twenty yards away, you spot him sitting at a fountain, unaware of your presence. You stalk out of the alley, vision narrowing as you have him finally in your sights.

“Damien!”

Dark looks up, alarmed. You seethe, the ground around you beginning to crack. It takes a moment for him to recognize you, something you didn’t account for when you possessed a new body. But as soon as it clicks, his eyes go from alarm to regret. 

“Darling, I didn’t kno-” “You abandoned me! I was stuck in that godforsaken mirror for a century, Damien! Your “darling” died on that day.”

“-w you were alive. I thought she killed you…”

Dark stands up from his spot sitting on the edge of the fountain, moving away from the growing cracks in the concrete. If you were facing Anti, you’d see his growing fear and concern at the massive cracks originating from your feet. You pause, pulled out of your anger as you look at Dark in disbelief, shaking yourself out of it, refusing to believe that he’s telling the truth.

“Liar! You could’ve stopped her! You knew better than to leave me behind! I thought you loved me!”

Your voice cracks, something you had been afraid of. Your eyes sting, fighting back tears as you try to keep your composure from breaking.

“I do love you. I never stopped. Darling, I’m so sorry. I went back, and you weren’t there. The mirror, it was gone. I’ve been looking for you, all this time.”

Your chest burns, clutching your chest as it aches. It’s painful, sharp and jagged. Then it feels like something snaps, shatters, and you can’t breathe. Anti is at your side in an instant, growling up at Dark as he attempts to step closer. You’re helped onto the ground, Anti holding you so you don’t fully collapse on him. There’s a brief look of anger on Dark’s face, before he realizes why Anti is here. He goes through his own range of emotions, watching you gasp for air on the ground. Within twenty minutes, not only has he found out you’re alive, but you hate his guts, and you’re potentially dating one of his rivals. All he can do is stand there, watching in horror, praying to whatever deities that exist that you will be okay. 

You can’t pull your hand from your chest, and you hear a crunch. Air fills your lungs again, but something feels wrong. You move your shirt out of the way, seeing a shattered hole over your heart. Anti panics, trying to get you to lay down on the ground as he investigates. He’s heavily out of his element, trying to stop or fix whatever has happened. He moves your shirt more, and the crack spreads. 

“Anti, Anti stop. Leave it alone, we have to get them out of here. Out of the public eye.”

“Yer t’e one t’at broke ‘em in t’e first place! Ye weren’t t’ere t’ hold ‘em as t’ey cried, shakin’ in fear because o’ what ye did!”

Dark steps back again, looking at the two of you. He looks horrified, the pain he’s caused you perhaps finally settling in, clicking into place. It takes a second, before he just nods his head at the two of you.

“I want to fix things now, please let me help. I won’t let them stay broken again. Not because of me.”

Anti growls again, only stopping when you reach up to gently hold his face. Tears threaten to roll down his cheeks as he looks down at you. Not a single blow was exchanged yet his worst fear happened. He looks at you as you nod, rubbing your thumb against his cheek.

“It’s okay, baby. Let him help. I won’t make you go.” “I’m not leavin’ yer side. Don’t ye t’ink I would, even fer a second.” “Then if that’s what they want, follow me.” Anti stands up, holding you bridal style in his arms. Dark walks quickly, even with his cane. The three of you turn a corner, back into the darker alley you emerged from. “Where t’e fuck are we going!?” Shadows pool at Dark and Anti’s feet, creating a circle around you. “Where I should have brought them in the first place. Home.”

The three of you disappear into the shadows beneath, leaving nothing but the cracks in the concrete behind.

[night-dark-woods]

2, 3 for hapax, 15 for fuller, 14, 20 for chance 5?? (obsessed w chance 5 and unnamed eliksni btw. GREAT concept.)

hiii echo sorry this took so long, they made me do work all day at my job today, which should be illegal, and then my eramis amv consumed me once more. anyway.

2. Can they take care of a plant? What about a pet? What about a child?

answered already!

3. Ask them to describe their love interest.

hmmm well initially probably just "really FUCKING annoying" and then "selfish bastard who I can't wait to get the kill command for so I can live in peace" and then, begrudgingly, though I don't think she would say it out loud, she comes to see Fuller as admirably driven by an unshakeable faith that Hapax envies deeply. and eventually Fuller becomes the only person who has seen her for exactly who she is and still wanted her, not just tolerated her. gay people <3

15. What would they consider a waste of time– other than school or work?

Pretty much everything besides her projects lmfao!!! She's been known to just hop off the edge into the Hellmouth to have Cel rezz her fresh so she doesn't have to sleep/eat/shower etc. She has also never done a chore in her LIFE.

14. Would they agree with the term ‘guilty pleasure’? Do they have any?

I don't think he agrees with the concept nah. Plenty of pleasures in his life, but no guilt involved. Life is too short, & while obvs his OWN life isnt short or singular, he sees a lot of death, often at the hands of Guardians (I think he and Uldren would actually have gotten along spectacularly if they had ever met). He lives & works in the Tangled Shore, which I imagine, outside of the warzone that being in an FPS makes it appear as, is a pretty genre-standard spaceport, and his usual haunts are definitely on the seedier side of things. He and [eliksni] have definitely been someone ELSE'S guilty pleasure though jdsjdhhdh.

20. What do they like that nobody else does?

hmmm idk about Nobody else, but few other Risen certainly. idr if we have canon info on the sources of Spider's dead Ghost collection, but Chance-5 has a certain appreciation for it, as someone whose feelings about the Tower & its Guardians are somewhere between distaste and outright hostility.

(also yayyy im glad u like them they are freshly (re)hatched ocs so im still ironing out the details but i did draw em on my lunch break the other day!!! > here)

[sourbinnie]

title -> hits different genre -> angsty angst pair -> ot8! skz/ateez x gn!reader plot -> when love is a lie and your friends don't know what to do anymore to get you by. warnings -> alcohol consumption + cursing a/n: yeah,,,, i had to ok THIS IS SO LONG ALSO IM SORRY

i washed my hands of us at the club you made a mess of me i pictured you with other girls in love then threw up on the street

remembering felix came in different shades & colors. it brought me back to reality that i was already thinking of him and the night didn't even start. washing my hands to wash the memories of us seemed to be doing no effect in my brain and the easiest way to forget was to consume alcohol until i couldn't stop. it wasn't healthy, it wasn't easy and it certainly wasn't what i wanted but my friends dragged me out every time like my life depended of how well and how much i could handle in the dancefloor of another god awful sweaty club.

here i was once again thinking of late nights with felix where we would stay in bed, where i would think of him and not feel pain. i would just be in a pure bliss and love moment. now it's just dark & twisted, gut wrenching and heartbreaking memories and that's all i held onto. i could picture with any of the girls/guys here and he would be happier, even if every part of me hated me for doing so. maybe he was in love with someone else all along and couldn't tell me, and i would have to live in the reality that he wasn't mine for me to love.

like waiting for a bus that never shows you just start walking on they say that if it's right, you know each bar plays our song nothing has ever felt so wrong

oh god the song that started playing. i could not imagine a worse scenario than going out and hearing it on the street. it came from a dusty bar but it still ringed in my ears as i picked up the pace to go somewhere else. it was a habit of mine to make playlists for hongjoong. he would listen to them to calm down when he was nervous, to when he was busy at work and needed music to keep him company or when he missed me. maybe he was doing that right now.

no, he wouldn't have broken up with me if he missed me. he wouldn't have muttered those words at me if he was gonna regret it now when all he was radiating was confidence that night. as the tears made it's way down my cheeks just because a song could get me that way. this wasn't any normal break up, this was the person who i felt was the love of my life drifting away from me in the cruelest way possible. so here i was sitting on the pavement, waiting for everything to just stop for a moment and for my thoughts to drift far away from him.

oh my, love is a lie shit my friends say to get me by it hits different it hits different this time

i knew they were all lying to me, everyone here was in a happy relationship except me. i used to be part of the happy crew though, i used to smile in every photo and send them to changbin. he was my motivation to keep going and my strength to feel better about myself. now without him, i only know the saddest of beats due to the amount of time i take to listen to playlists that only make me wanna cry. i'll never get what crossed his mind for him to break up with me.

we weren't the perfect couple, we had our disagreements but we clicked. like two pieces in a puzzle we somehow found our way to each other and we settled. moving in together, adopting a pet, introducing each other to our families, it all went by so fast and i didn't appreciate enough when i had it. now i was missing the most common of things as i looked at the engagement rings on my friends' hands. maybe that could have been us but in this life, it looks like not.

catastrophic blues moving on was always easy for me to do it hits different it hits different 'cause it's you

what had me hooked on to san? literally everything. the way he was careful around me, the way he sang me to sleep and the way he just simply knew me like the back of his hand. that's the way i wanted things to be forever. it somehow drifted to him not knowing me at all and acting so cold & distant. i missed my sannie, i missed him so fucking much. it was like i needed him to continue 'cause i knew he was the one i wanted to marry all along, that dream guy you chase after like it's a fairytale.

but life was no fairytales and as i looked outside in the window in my room, the rain seemed unstoppable like the wave of tears that invaded me. he was the one, i knew he was the one. yet if he was the one, he would've stayed and we would've never fought in the first place, he wouldn't have changed his ways and his habits. i never was the biggest fan of physical contact but nowadays i crave his clinginess, his hugs, his kisses, him calling me prince/princess. i just missed him.

i used to switch out these kens, i'd just ghost rip the band-aid off and skip town like an asshole outlaw freedom felt like summer then on the coast now the sun burns my heart and the sand hurts my feelings

i hated dating, it was a fact at this point. you date someone to fall in love and get your heart broken like an idiot? no thanks, i would rather not. but i made an exception for him, for minho. thinking that maybe i would settle down forever & ever, not having to worry about a damn thing because i had found the one. it was a lie, it all was fake as fuck as he left me stranded in the cold and i tried to chase him down but it was useless. it was no lie that he was cold hearted when he was mad but this exceeded my expectations.

going on vacations to forget the one you loved wasn't the best idea either. it's like everywhere i looked, i saw him staring right at me with that mischievous look of his. i wanted to run to him again, to have him in my arms and just simply enjoy the fucking moment. why did he have to play me like this? like some kind of twisted game where he came out victorious and i stood there like a loser in the board. tracing figures in the sand, i had never felt more pathetic and lonelier than ever.

and i never don't cry at the bar yeah, my sadness is contagious i slur your name till someone puts me in a car i stopped receiving invitations

it was like a song repeating itself the way i said his name, i could not stop and feel embarrassed because i went through every stage of the breakup. first i was angry, then i was sad and miserable and now i just felt numb. numb because yunho left and i had no idea how the fuck to move on from mr. perfect guy to being single forever and ever. i didn't want anyone else and everybody knew that. still people tried to get me to go to dates, clubs, events and i just had the worst time of my life as i acted ridiculous once again.

is this what it felt like to get your heart shattered completely? is what i thought when he muttered the words "break up". yeah no wonder i cried myself to sleep every night and nobody wanted me near them, i had been torn apart like it was the easiest thing to do. i looked out the window from the taxi cab and remembered the day he took me home from the club because i was too drunk. he looked at me with that smile of his and i just knew, everything was gonna be alright. back then... maybe not so much now.

oh my, love is a lie shit my friends say to get me by it hits different it hits different this time

i laid in my bed staring at the ceiling as i thought about us. incoming calls were going and then disappearing from my phone. i didn't have the strength to talk to anyone as i processed what just happened between us. the space that he occupied felt so cold suddenly. i knew people wanted to cheer me up, saying he was just like every other guy and i deserved better. i truly wanted to think that too but seungmin wasn't like anyone i have ever met before. he was so kind hearted and so love driven that it pained me to believe that we got to this point.

i had to hold on to remembering the good times because there wouldn't be any new memories to write about. there would be no cooking together, hugging at the airport or spending late nights with the boys as we laughed at the smallest of things. there would just be an emptiness that i would have to fill with something so i could move on from this hell. the hell being the constant repeat of love and kindness he offered me and i had to throw away because maybe i just don't deserve to be loved.

catastrophic blues moving on was always easy for me to do it hits different it hits different 'cause it's you

how many times will i have to go through this again? break ups aren't easy. this one in particular left me with the worst bitter taste in my mouth as i looked back at photographs hanging around my apartment. it crushed my soul and spirit knowing that i would never see him smile that wide again. that my last memory of mingi is gonna be this heated and stupid fight, that started over a small detail but finished with a loud bang in my heart as he broke up with me and left the apartment.

packing his things was the most difficult part yet. i had to send them to the dorm and hope i did not forget anything because facing him again would actually kill me on sight. so i packed the sweaters that i used so much, the old headphones i gifted to him and the small promise ring he bought for our anniversary. it was a petty thing to do but i felt like he deserved to have it, it was his money and his promise after all. receiving will probably be a punch in the face but i didn't care, he deserved to know how i felt too.

i find the artifacts, cried over a hat cursed the space that i needed i trace the evidence, make it make some sense why the wound is still bleeding?

in my mind it all made more sense. i knew it wasn't easy to break up with someone, so he found an excuse to do so and because he was too kind to let me down, he chose his words carefully and just decided to finish it. it wasn't the coldest of breakups, but it was the one that made the least sense. why would hyunjin tell me that he loved me so much to then break up with me in the weirdest way possible. i just wanted an explanation and not to be greeted by his voicemail once again.

i wanted to get rid of his stuff so bad but i couldn't find the force to send it all to him or burn it like they did in movies. it was embarrassing how much i was holding on to nothing, how much i wanted for him to come back and tell me it was just a cruel and mean spirited joke. i would forgive him right away, i think that's the most pathetic part about me. even if he hurts me over & over again, i would still be looking for the answers and hoping he would return home.

you were the one that I loved don't need another metaphor, it's simple enough a wrinkle in time like the crease by your eyes this is why they shouldn't kill off the main guy

it was easy to say that you loved someone. for example, i loved jongho, he made my days better, made me weak to the knees when i saw him, made me wish i was up to his standards every day. it looked like he wished his standards were higher as well because he left me. okay this is my drunk brain speaking but it just didn't make any fucking sense how you are loved one day, ditched the other and then you see your ex with someone else not too long after that. i just wanted it all to be a nightmare.

i wanted to curse, to scream, to leave it all unsaid. i chose to be silent and observe, writing him letters i will never send and hoping the future treats me in a kinder way. i was never one to confront the situation and make it known that i deserved better, i just knew that i did. it just wasn't easy to watch it all unwind so fast when i had barely even moved on. maybe jongho just wasn't meant for me to love, for me to have and for me to cherish. maybe he really wasn't that great after all and just maybe... he would be happier without me

dreams of your hair and your stare and sense of belief in the good in the world, you once believed in me and i felt you and I held you for a while bet i could still melt your world argumentative, antithetical, dream girl

it was so stupid to still think of him. i laughed to myself as i looked around an empty apartment, i was finally leaving it after all this time. he wanted me to stay because he had the dorms anyways but i couldn't do it, not even for us. it was just too painful to be greeted by the memories chan and i made every single day. i was still gonna be alone but i would be in better company than i was here, that's for sure. i looked around and it felt like a dream, it used to be my dream home at one point.

suddenly again i was still seeing the boxes with our stuff on it, we didn't have a couch or a tv for such a long time. we didn't care though, we could talk all day about anything and we were just fine with that. cuddling on the floor with a blanket and falling asleep like that. it would sound dreadful to anyone but i think for me, it was the best experience i could ask for in a relationship. just the way he held me and made me feel alive every day, i was hoping i could carry the good out of this.

i heard your key turn in the door down the hallway is that your key in the door? is it okay? Is it you? or have they come to take me away?

i was definitely hallucinating as i heard a key jingling at the door. then i realized that i had a new neighbor and i was just being insane like always. there wasn't a day that passed that i didn't wish yeosang would come back. it felt like an eternity since he left and it felt even worse knowing that he was probably having the time of his life without me while i suffered here like an idiot. i knew it was crazy behavior to lock yourself up in your apartment and think that you can do this on your own.

i couldn't do it even if i tried to. i kept thinking about him and i when we first met, the shyness that i fell so hard for turning into something else. i could not place my finger around it but it was like my sangie just disappeared and was nowhere to be found. he truly was mesmerizing to look at, maybe it got too much to his head? or maybe i just simply wasn't enough for him. it hurt to know that you gave it all for a relationship that for a few months had been one sided all along and it kept going on until it exploded yet you still hope for him to come back.

oh my, love is a lie shit my friends say to get me by it hits different It hits different this time

i said "no" so many times at this point, i was getting repetitive. it felt like i was living in a hallucination, a reality i never once wished for or never saw coming in the first place. maybe i was being dramatic but jeongin was the light that i was always looking for. so bright and so cheerful, it made me want to cry as i thought of him stupid smile. the way he couldn't talk around me because he got nervous but he still made the effort to ask me out, it was cute back then but now it just broke my heart.

the fact that i could not forget at all the way i hurt him and the way he hurt me. my friends said that it was stupid for us to break up and his friends insisted that we should talk, neither of us made a move. then it moved to "well you're better off without them" phase and i think both of us truly believed it. we saw each other again at the club and it looked like none of us had slept in forever but we kept our pride up and did not say a single word to one another. the fact that it could have been a second try, kills me every night.

catastrophic blues moving on was always easy for me to do it hits different it hits different 'cause it's you

there was no way wooyoung was gonna get out of my mind. every day i tried, date after date, drink after drink and thrill after thrill. nothing seemed to work, all my methods for break ups were not working and i was losing my mind. it's like he was right there all along, mocking me like he used to but not in a cute way. he knew i could not do it without him and he was right, i hated him so much for being right when he said the words "good luck without me!".

crystal tears dropping to my glass as i reminisce of what could have been a great love. i just wanted the best for us and of course i had to say the words ”break up” for him to take seriously. he always had an attitude and dealt with things in the moment or he didn't want to deal with them at all. i couldn't handle him yet i wanted him so bad and he was the only i wanted all along. i just felt stuck in a place where i didn't belong and that was me without him, hoping he would think of me and give me a call someday.

(oh my, love is a lie) (shit my friends say to get me by) ('cause it's you)

i was done playing games, i was running in the rain. i knew it wasn't the most sane behavior i ever showed but i could not be stopped. all the memories came flowing back and i just needed to get them out of the way. i needed to move as fast before it was too late. i was invaded by guilt as i thought of doing this when he had already moved on but i needed to think of the good chances first and then of what i would do if all the opportunities for us to get back were gone.

i stood there in front of the door that i knew so much. knocked on it so many times, been received by every boy who lives there yet there was only one in my mind as i knocked again. i knew this was the time where he got home. so i waited and waited in the dreadful silence outside while i heard some mumbling words on the inside. hoping to see him brought effect as i was greeted by him looking better than ever and me soaked from the cold pouring rain.

"(y/n)?" jisung said and I could only smile.

oh how much i missed you.

(catastrophic blues) (moving on was always easy for me to do) it hits different it hits different 'cause it's you

sitting down for a chat wasn't easy. especially not with your ex boyfriend but i had to give it one last try as i looked at him while he tried to look anywhere else but me. the quiet was going to actually kill me but i stayed strong as i had said everything i wanted to say and was honest with my feelings like i was taught to. i never moved on, i could never do that when seonghwa was my first real relationship.

"why did it take you so long?" he asked.

"because... i wasn't sure how you would feel about me being back in your life."

that's what i said and it was like he was analyzing every word as he grabbed my hands and sighed. i was expecting the worst of the worst, to have traveled so far for nothing, to have to come back "home" with a broken heart yet...

"it's all i ever wanted."